5.12.11
Gestalt Mundo Generation
"Some of the greatest problems we have today are in the music industry. The entire notion of why people like music hasn't been discovered. Like time. What is the nature of time?" - Bryan Ferry, famous astrologist.
In an earnest reply the prime minister eagerly agreed that scientists should look into time science and pledged thousands of pounds towards a study into what time was, hiring almost half a dozen scientists from around south east England to crack this problem. So far they have only drawn a few basic diagrams.
In an earnest reply the prime minister eagerly agreed that scientists should look into time science and pledged thousands of pounds towards a study into what time was, hiring almost half a dozen scientists from around south east England to crack this problem. So far they have only drawn a few basic diagrams.
24.9.11
The Love Of Itself
Half spilled full on chrome arbius twinges in the doorway, it's tendrils like icicles caught the orange and yellow lights flicking on end after each other in a chase, the race of a self-conducting megaparticle occupying beyond the dimensions through the traces of the neutrinos falling like raindrops, unzipping. A circle, circular. A self righting balancer dancing across the high planes, the sky above them lit up with the light thrown from hundreds of different cosmos. Elaborate patterns are just beyond the reach of sight. The periodic table, the human genome, the theory of special relativity, the computer. Logic. A scientific experiment is something which can be recreated, history repeating. And repeating.
Crumbling variations of wax faces pouring with fake blood as the bodies tumble onto the foggy moor. The director nods and the film is released straight to DVD, as is the case with that particular type of film. Cyphers common throughout the world are the blockbuster laser activated info-disc slot into the alloted player. Sleeper agents sleeping urgent.
Crumbling variations of wax faces pouring with fake blood as the bodies tumble onto the foggy moor. The director nods and the film is released straight to DVD, as is the case with that particular type of film. Cyphers common throughout the world are the blockbuster laser activated info-disc slot into the alloted player. Sleeper agents sleeping urgent.
12.9.11
Slide In
A confluence of bodily fluids. The great wheel of time turned amidst the dimensions as a potential eternity shifted, this end of the rotation finishing in space overtaking time, stone cold solid matter.
That is the biggest fear of civilization; success leading to overpopulation. And in the future we shall all have a vegetable garden in our pocket and pass each other a steak and kidney bean!
That is the biggest fear of civilization; success leading to overpopulation. And in the future we shall all have a vegetable garden in our pocket and pass each other a steak and kidney bean!
6.9.11
Entering The Dream
Blazing golden conduits amidst the brain space, seventeen inch of LSD screen implanted for viewing of the mind's eye during sleep, cortexoptica. Flashes of fuzzy blues surrounds a tiny rotating square in the centre of the screen.
"The experiment was a success." gurns the doctor. And out from the channels between neurons a flood of information was freed, zapping the dude's brain into overdrive. An Ancient Aztec God of despair, the night, death appeared. He was dressed in the traditional clothing of a God and rose from the air a melting skull that frothed over his black fingers. It was all an advert for a new deodorant designed for teenage boys. The cameras stopped rolling and were then taken to a laboratory for the correct editing, ready for broadcast between news reports of an ongoing disaster that hadn't yet occured.
"The experiment was a success." gurns the doctor. And out from the channels between neurons a flood of information was freed, zapping the dude's brain into overdrive. An Ancient Aztec God of despair, the night, death appeared. He was dressed in the traditional clothing of a God and rose from the air a melting skull that frothed over his black fingers. It was all an advert for a new deodorant designed for teenage boys. The cameras stopped rolling and were then taken to a laboratory for the correct editing, ready for broadcast between news reports of an ongoing disaster that hadn't yet occured.
21.8.11
Hollywood Cambrian
He removed his teeth with the calmness of regularity and turned back to the interviewer. "The reptillians live amongst us hiding in suits made of lubricated skin. I am a freedom fighter and have decided to go public, blow this whole conspiracy wide open." he said, sliding the wig off his head. The radio presenter watched in horror as a crocodile man emerged from the Ted Danson suit.
23.7.11
22.6.11
19.6.11
An Electric Crown
Paul Dirac was conceptually activated from his sober, waking life into his true existence like the pupa awakens into a beautiful moth. He began to sweat black oil that dripped down onto his hands. They felt encased in slabs of concrete, he fumbled with his phone and snapped it so that he couldn't be tracked. Pneumatic blondes revolving down an escalator, snapping jaws towards each other in communication. They descend onto white tiles and marched out of the door, only to collapse and be given bloody mouths by a low thunder storm. The lights flicker. Squashed face gurn agonizingly, eyes rolling around trying to trace brain shapes. Outside it is black and cold, the sound of a grave. People mingle in between each other, from above they looked like waterfalls meeting each other at opposite ends of a river, broken and splintered, thick. Through this he runs, black sweat dripping, leaving marks on the pavement in the shapes of Neil Armstrong's nervous system. In his skull trap he is assembling a bomb, thoughts electric and ricochetting through his head faster than he could control. Mydriasis set, he blew steam out from his thrashing mouth as he started to seizure. A hundred yards away he spotted someone he had gone to school with who was squeezing a big leather rope. He had been a spy all along. The agent had been following him all of his life waiting for this moment and been sent to kill.
The oily man panicked and ran into the shop where the series of blondes were helped up by handsome staff. Running through aisles lined in perfume, he went through another series of doors out into a plaza. He looked behind him to see the agent following him, nonchalantly tapping nearly everything he went past. Probably absorbing the potential energy of objects like the ancient warrior monks of Tibet. Dirac ran, dodging people and public furniture. A large magnet fizzed in a hidden parcel planted in a bin, the pinch crunching things around it as a large, blobby wave of radiation winked out all the lights, phones, cameras and radios. A few seconds of being in darkness, people started crying and running towards the exit. “Who turned out the lights!” yelled a wiseguy. This was the kill code. Dirac stumbled around in the pitch black. Rods and cones. Most just tried to cling onto something, a few just waited patiently. The agent paced towards him, tapping people on the back as he did so. His fingers ran along a column, danced the side of a staircase, tapping a bench. Middle and index were made to walk along the top before smacking the end. The bin with the magnet in. The oily man went through his pockets quickly and pulled out a carton of cigarettes and set them on the side of a plant pot holding a plastic fern before sprinting away. Near to the exit now. The sign above the fire door glowed green. The man hunting him meanwhile tapped a lamp-post, a hanging leaf and the oblong cigarette packet. A high chime was heard as the agent's face sagged limply off his face, he could tell he was already dead. Chunks of his body glided away from his skeleton, being over-taken by other organs and bone pushing forward new sections. Smaller and smaller chunks of his body chased each other as he faded away into a cloud of body debris, lightly hitting the wall and disappearing into a puff of smoke.
The oily man panicked and ran into the shop where the series of blondes were helped up by handsome staff. Running through aisles lined in perfume, he went through another series of doors out into a plaza. He looked behind him to see the agent following him, nonchalantly tapping nearly everything he went past. Probably absorbing the potential energy of objects like the ancient warrior monks of Tibet. Dirac ran, dodging people and public furniture. A large magnet fizzed in a hidden parcel planted in a bin, the pinch crunching things around it as a large, blobby wave of radiation winked out all the lights, phones, cameras and radios. A few seconds of being in darkness, people started crying and running towards the exit. “Who turned out the lights!” yelled a wiseguy. This was the kill code. Dirac stumbled around in the pitch black. Rods and cones. Most just tried to cling onto something, a few just waited patiently. The agent paced towards him, tapping people on the back as he did so. His fingers ran along a column, danced the side of a staircase, tapping a bench. Middle and index were made to walk along the top before smacking the end. The bin with the magnet in. The oily man went through his pockets quickly and pulled out a carton of cigarettes and set them on the side of a plant pot holding a plastic fern before sprinting away. Near to the exit now. The sign above the fire door glowed green. The man hunting him meanwhile tapped a lamp-post, a hanging leaf and the oblong cigarette packet. A high chime was heard as the agent's face sagged limply off his face, he could tell he was already dead. Chunks of his body glided away from his skeleton, being over-taken by other organs and bone pushing forward new sections. Smaller and smaller chunks of his body chased each other as he faded away into a cloud of body debris, lightly hitting the wall and disappearing into a puff of smoke.
16.6.11
All Said And Done
One of the things I miss the most about alternative realities is that this one doesn't care much for the exploration and colonization of space, instead spending millions on a 3D film of Yogi Bear or soap that smells like Marmite. In some faraway place in space and time others will look back with eyes made from ectoplasm and wonder, what happened.
10.6.11
A Hobby In Burglary
As 3D printers increase in availability and cheapness, people will come home to find there front doors wide open and the insides gutted like large cubist beige chickens. The everyday housekey is first photographed the previous night and the owner of a 3D printer sets to work on creating an exact replica in which he lets himself into the house with. This has lead to an increase in swipe cards opening doors as if all the world were a hotel.
R.O.Y.G.B.P.(M)
Professor Gomez, the esoteric scientist of waning fame, has recently come out of retirement to display the new colour he had discovered. He had spent his lifetime researching the vastness of human senses, attempting to install the very best from the animal kingdom into humans such as the noses of dogs implanted into the faces of policemen and the eyes of birds grafted onto the pupils of aircraft pilots.
Gomez discovered the new colour whilst experimenting with his own paintings that critics have mostly deemed inappropriate for public consumption. Although whilst painting a landscape of the beaches of Southport, Gomez discovered that by simply mixing dead fish with oil paint that strange colours appeared that he had never recognized. He has named this new colour 'Mahrj' and it has caused rapid changes in almost every avenue of life. Mahrj is perhaps best described for somebody who hasn't seen it by first comparing colours to taste. If blue was bitter, red was sweet and yellow sour Mahrj would be umami. Of course there has been public backlash by people saying that the colour was 'bullshit' and 'didn't exist', as well as other scientists claiming that it was impossible for the human eye to see Mahrj. Nevertheless Gomez has already begun to sell buckets full of Mahrj paint to home-owners all across the country!
Gomez discovered the new colour whilst experimenting with his own paintings that critics have mostly deemed inappropriate for public consumption. Although whilst painting a landscape of the beaches of Southport, Gomez discovered that by simply mixing dead fish with oil paint that strange colours appeared that he had never recognized. He has named this new colour 'Mahrj' and it has caused rapid changes in almost every avenue of life. Mahrj is perhaps best described for somebody who hasn't seen it by first comparing colours to taste. If blue was bitter, red was sweet and yellow sour Mahrj would be umami. Of course there has been public backlash by people saying that the colour was 'bullshit' and 'didn't exist', as well as other scientists claiming that it was impossible for the human eye to see Mahrj. Nevertheless Gomez has already begun to sell buckets full of Mahrj paint to home-owners all across the country!
8.6.11
6.6.11
2.6.11
1.6.11
The Ritual Smoking Of Drugs
Heaving the pipe upward, the group pass it to one of the newer members. A self-described druid, his beard descends onto the mouthpiece of the black bong. It takes three people to lift the device to the druids face, another to lower the torch onto the luminous green cannabis. It's trichomes are long and bulbous like strange worms. Eldritch. Taking great care the druid begins to inhale the kush, so sticky that if it came into contact with the skin it would rip it away. Through the slightly translucent glass we watch the five feet of milky smoke begin to fill the chamber, the druid can see it too as he watches the weed smoulder in front of him. And all along, a great bubbling. Through the ice and through the water, the smoke is drawn through. Upward and upward. He begins to clear the bong chamber, chugging huge lungfuls of smoke. We all begin to chant our own songs as the thick smoke is quaffed from the cauldron bong, as it is exhaled it begins to fill the cave we are sitting in. A caveman sits in the corner, the whites of his eyes as red as an eclipsing moon. He looks over to the druid then turns back to his bongo drums.
An hour, perhaps, later we exit the cave and into the industrial estate. The factories and mill shops stand as obelisks on the landscape, intense signifiers of terror. We walk along the cracked tarmac road, one of our number carrying a crucifix. Once we have reached the cul-de-sac, our terminal destination, the cross bearer sets it upside down into a small marsh. We sit around beneath the inverted symbol and pass around a pipe made from the spinal column of an accused witch who was rumoured to have been drowned at a nearby lake. The druid takes out a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch and begins to eat them solemnly.
An hour, perhaps, later we exit the cave and into the industrial estate. The factories and mill shops stand as obelisks on the landscape, intense signifiers of terror. We walk along the cracked tarmac road, one of our number carrying a crucifix. Once we have reached the cul-de-sac, our terminal destination, the cross bearer sets it upside down into a small marsh. We sit around beneath the inverted symbol and pass around a pipe made from the spinal column of an accused witch who was rumoured to have been drowned at a nearby lake. The druid takes out a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch and begins to eat them solemnly.
31.5.11
30.5.11
28.5.11
26.5.11
Early Morning Sunshine
The flimsy sheet of x-ray sensitive film blows in the breeze slightly as Ray Milland warms up the x-ray generator half a mile away. He was attempting to create an x-ray image of the landscape by blasting entire horizons with radioactive beams. There was a thudding noise in the background as Milland showed me his earlier work. A field of horse skeletons. A street of ghostly cars and the blurs of humans walking around with no skin or muscle. A section of forest, lit up like the night sky with the abundance of animals, birds and insects standing out in stark contrast on the blue, black background. "I plan on aerial photography next." he said to himself.
25.5.11
Space Drugs
Some of the greatest discoveries of mankind were found under the influence of drugs, such as Isaac Newton ingesting a hefty bag of psychedelic mushrooms and seeing small orbs raining from the air keeping everything stuck to the ground giving him the idea of gravity or Charles Darwin, drunk, looking down a superstring and watching the entire history of biology in between saccades. Other discoveries were more controversial, with whole groups of scientists being so strung out for long periods of time they weren't even sure if they had written down their discoveries or not.
And now, in this calm before the brain storm of unending invention, we must acknowledge what kind of drugs the supermassive objects ingest. This is of course directed at those familiar with the work of Drake, the theory that suns are enormous brains that sing to each other over space and time like strange whales. There is certainly a tendency in the stars that go supernova, and thus become magnetars and pulsars, that space drugs almost definitely exist. Scientists are currently uncertain as to what form or effect these space drugs would have, although it is thought perhaps indestructible clouds of psychedelics float through the cosmos, warping matter itself by freaking out atoms. Others suggest comets act as hypodermic syringes, punching holes in the surface of stars and delivering chemical mixtures that make the star turn into liquid. Whatever form these take, every single scientist definitely agrees on their existence. All of them.
And now, in this calm before the brain storm of unending invention, we must acknowledge what kind of drugs the supermassive objects ingest. This is of course directed at those familiar with the work of Drake, the theory that suns are enormous brains that sing to each other over space and time like strange whales. There is certainly a tendency in the stars that go supernova, and thus become magnetars and pulsars, that space drugs almost definitely exist. Scientists are currently uncertain as to what form or effect these space drugs would have, although it is thought perhaps indestructible clouds of psychedelics float through the cosmos, warping matter itself by freaking out atoms. Others suggest comets act as hypodermic syringes, punching holes in the surface of stars and delivering chemical mixtures that make the star turn into liquid. Whatever form these take, every single scientist definitely agrees on their existence. All of them.
Birthday Presents
An Eagle for an Emperor, a Peregrine for a Prince, a Kestrel for a Knave and a Hawk for Hawking. Stephen Hawking.
Lunar Power
The moon has a great effect on both our planet and our psychologies. Scientists have recently invented a 'moon bulb' to recreate these changes electronically, similar to how full spectrum bulbs are intended to emulate the sun.
24.5.11
Astroticians
Time flows like a river. You can't stop a river from flowing although you can slow it or speed it up. We have yet to invent cosmic buckets to carry the water up or down the river but when we do it will be very wet.
22.5.11
Scalextric Orbital
Jacob Donaldson has recently built a scale model of the M25 around his estate. The three and a half miles of track is home to roughly one hundred thousand miniature cars Donaldson powers with a small electric substation. The model is pretty much an exact replica in every way except at junction 4B, where the M25 usually intersects with the M4, Donaldson has chosen to pile up dead foxes. There is a small tunnel underneath this pile, every time a car passes through it usually disrupts the flies and maggots on the corpses. Another thing worth noting is the absence of traffic jams due to the constant speed upheld by the cars, something Donaldson is incredibly proud of.
21.5.11
20.5.11
Clean
The patient enters a booth in which they are dosed with a mixture of radiation, arsenic and antibiotics in order to kill every single bacteria, fungus and parasite inside their body. They are then shaved of all body hair and washed in ice baths before entering the clean room, set up for patients who have been afflicted with diseases or allergies that make them susceptible to falling foul of living a day to day life.
A problem with removing all bacteria from the body, which outnumbers our cells ten to one, is digestion. Bacteria is quite intrinsic to breaking down certain foods and without them the patients have a diet consisting mainly of pre-digested soup. For the most part the patients are happy, although they miss cheese.
A problem with removing all bacteria from the body, which outnumbers our cells ten to one, is digestion. Bacteria is quite intrinsic to breaking down certain foods and without them the patients have a diet consisting mainly of pre-digested soup. For the most part the patients are happy, although they miss cheese.
17.5.11
Festering Aurora
Waves of optical plasma bounced around the fringes, things started to melt. In the last DMT induced moments of his life, Gordon Brown surveyed his birth place for one final time before the aneurysm knocked him down onto the wet, green grass.
16.5.11
Stellar
A neutron star landed in London the other day, causing major traffic disturbances. The super heavy mass has also caused our solar system to rotate around Earth. A government spokesperson when asked about the neutron star said it was 'fantastic' and hoped that they could build a themed science park around the crash site that would 'be better than the millenium dome'.
12.5.11
10.5.11
5.5.11
2.5.11
The Kingdom, The Power And The Glory
Scientists have recently discovered that through the act of meditation one can learn to direct ions from where the hemispheres of the brain meet in order to move small pieces of iron through telemagnetism. It is thought that although this wouldn't have much application in building large commercial and industrial buildings it would come in handy for fiddling about with little ibbly bits inside the smallest machines. Scientists are also questioning as to what effect machines have on pushing negatively charged ions into our cortex holes.
1.5.11
29.4.11
Rat King
A foot is cut, a foot is cut, feet are stuck, feet are cut, feet are stuck, hands are cut, hands and feet are stuck, head is cut, head and hands and feet are stuck. These are cut, these are stuck. Sticking cuts and cutting stuck cuts, stacking cuts on cuts. Stuck stuck stuck.
22.4.11
Hope
"Crossing a desert is easy if you have a helicopter."
- Bear Grylls, 2011 at the conference of warm safety.
20.4.11
Back To The Future Trilogy; A Diagram
A diagram illustrating how Marty McFly collapsed the universe he originally inhabited, killing an entire cosmos and doing it again when undoing the alternative universe Biff created after stealing the DeLorean to give himself the Gray's sports almanac. That's the power of love!
19.4.11
Sat In Your Lap
The faked moon landing was faked on the moon, faked, it was on Mars. The mysterious planet of Ceres, the bullshit planet. Like Eros. Like Eris. Spaghettification of fact, the serpentine infinite paradox of lying liars and the lies they tell the truth about. Essentially. We landed on the moon, there's a mirror on it. It reflects the ghost of a long quantumly dead chrononaut. He points to an abstract point in the deep field where he left alien pornography magazines, the centre folds displaying crystalline genitals splayed open in ultraviolet. In infra-red. In side.
17.4.11
The Museum Of Museums
Due to public apathy and government entropy, museums from around the globe have got together to create the ultimate museum. Row upon row of tyrannosaurus rex skeletons stand watch over piles of mummies. An attempted chronology of every single object ever made, the cutlery section in itself stretches on for several miles. Every book, film and piece of music has been uploaded onto a big wacky computer that spits out various petaflops to visitors eager to see such nonsense. Such a library hasn't existed since the library of Alexandria, which has been recreated at the heart of the museum in chrome and steel. Although the museum has been opened for several months it has struggled to reach the 500th visitor mark.
8.4.11
(i)
Changing a light bulb is a relatively easy task although also quite important in contemporary times. During the day if you don't have artificial light it's not usually a problem but at night humanity has gotten used to using electrically powered light to see. The first step, before all others, is to see what kind of light bulb you have in the light that needs replacing. It is advisable to do this whilst the light still functions so that one has a surplus of bulbs before they need changing. Using a step-ladder or chair approach the light when it is turned off. If the bulb is easy to get to, good. Otherwise you may have to remove the shade or outer casing. Once that is done the bulb should be accessible.
The light bulb is made of glass and is traditionally the size and shape of a pear, although recently energy saving bulbs have begun to be used in the home and in the workplace due to them being more economical. The bulb will have writing on 99% of the time letting you know what time of bulb it is. The most important information is the Watt rating, meaning how powerful the bulb is. This will be a number followed by a 'W'. Make note of this. If for some reason you are unable to see the writing on the bulb you will have to remove it. The next step is to determine how the bulb fits in the socket and the easiest way to determine this is by removing it. If the bulb is hot after being switched on for a while you can touch it by putting a small towel or sock over your hand. Once you have a firm, but gentle, grip on the bulb begin rotating it anticlockwise. There are two types of way bulbs will fit into a socket, these are referred to as a screw fitting or a bayonet fitting. The type of bulb with a screw fitting does just that, it screws into the socket and requires several turns to remove. A bayonet fitting uses small metal clasps that click into place after a small rotation of the bulb. Note the type of fitting the bulb uses alongside what Wattage the bulb is.
If you are unsure about what type of bulb you need exactly it might be a good idea to take it along with you when buying spare light bulbs so you can show it to a sales advisor who will hopefully be able to help you out. Once you have bought your new light bulbs take them home and store them in a place you will remember and have easy access to if it were dark.
When a light goes out without somebody turning it off it is usually for two reasons. The bulb has broken or there is no electricity going into the light. The latter can get rather complicated and would need it's own guide although a good way to find out if there is any electricity going to any light would be by trying to turn on another light in a different room. Once you have established that the bulb is broken it is time to change it, although remember to turn the light off first so that there is no risk of electric shock. Go and get a new bulb from wherever you decided to store it and remove it from it's packaging. The next step is to remove the old bulb. There is a good chance you won't know a light doesn't work until you need it, so you may need to create your own source of light for the next few stages in changing a light bulb. Candles, torches and even the glow from a cell phone are handy sources of temporary light. Get a chair or some ladders and, like you have hopefully done previously, remove the bulb from the socket. It is a good idea to have a friend available to pass the old bulb down to and pass the new one up, although it isn't vital. If you have followed the previous steps correctly you should hopefully have the right kind of light bulb. If it's a bayonet fitting you should place the end of the bulb inside the socket and slowly rotate it until the clips slide upwards. Give it a short twist and it should be ready. A screw fitting simply requires putting the end of the bulb into the socket and rotating it clockwise until it is unable to any more.
After that your new bulb should be ready. Climb down, turn on the switch and see what happens. Hopefully everything will have gone smoothly and the light will turn on! Remember that some light bulbs, especially energy saving ones, may need time to warm up before reaching their maximum luminosity. Take care in disposing of your old bulb but otherwise congratulations on changing a light bulb.
The light bulb is made of glass and is traditionally the size and shape of a pear, although recently energy saving bulbs have begun to be used in the home and in the workplace due to them being more economical. The bulb will have writing on 99% of the time letting you know what time of bulb it is. The most important information is the Watt rating, meaning how powerful the bulb is. This will be a number followed by a 'W'. Make note of this. If for some reason you are unable to see the writing on the bulb you will have to remove it. The next step is to determine how the bulb fits in the socket and the easiest way to determine this is by removing it. If the bulb is hot after being switched on for a while you can touch it by putting a small towel or sock over your hand. Once you have a firm, but gentle, grip on the bulb begin rotating it anticlockwise. There are two types of way bulbs will fit into a socket, these are referred to as a screw fitting or a bayonet fitting. The type of bulb with a screw fitting does just that, it screws into the socket and requires several turns to remove. A bayonet fitting uses small metal clasps that click into place after a small rotation of the bulb. Note the type of fitting the bulb uses alongside what Wattage the bulb is.
If you are unsure about what type of bulb you need exactly it might be a good idea to take it along with you when buying spare light bulbs so you can show it to a sales advisor who will hopefully be able to help you out. Once you have bought your new light bulbs take them home and store them in a place you will remember and have easy access to if it were dark.
When a light goes out without somebody turning it off it is usually for two reasons. The bulb has broken or there is no electricity going into the light. The latter can get rather complicated and would need it's own guide although a good way to find out if there is any electricity going to any light would be by trying to turn on another light in a different room. Once you have established that the bulb is broken it is time to change it, although remember to turn the light off first so that there is no risk of electric shock. Go and get a new bulb from wherever you decided to store it and remove it from it's packaging. The next step is to remove the old bulb. There is a good chance you won't know a light doesn't work until you need it, so you may need to create your own source of light for the next few stages in changing a light bulb. Candles, torches and even the glow from a cell phone are handy sources of temporary light. Get a chair or some ladders and, like you have hopefully done previously, remove the bulb from the socket. It is a good idea to have a friend available to pass the old bulb down to and pass the new one up, although it isn't vital. If you have followed the previous steps correctly you should hopefully have the right kind of light bulb. If it's a bayonet fitting you should place the end of the bulb inside the socket and slowly rotate it until the clips slide upwards. Give it a short twist and it should be ready. A screw fitting simply requires putting the end of the bulb into the socket and rotating it clockwise until it is unable to any more.
After that your new bulb should be ready. Climb down, turn on the switch and see what happens. Hopefully everything will have gone smoothly and the light will turn on! Remember that some light bulbs, especially energy saving ones, may need time to warm up before reaching their maximum luminosity. Take care in disposing of your old bulb but otherwise congratulations on changing a light bulb.
Human Beings Are Television Sets
I, II, IV, VIII, XVI, XXXII, LXIV, CXXVIII, CCLVI, DXII, MXXIV, MMXLVIII
18.3.11
My Favourite Thing About Breakfast
I just wanted to tell everybody what a good breakfast I just had in bed post getting out of bed, pre-yawn hungry man achieving true 'burning man festival' memory space within the four walls of the head. Although I am a fan of breaking the fourth wall, preferably through the art of food making.
It begins by reviewing breakfast ingredients. Mushrooms from Calcutta. Bacon for Norway. Eggs from some underground battery in Slav. Whichever it is there is a calculated cooking time to reach optimistic food warmth. Pork is traditionally eaten at breakfast although I have also experimented with fish, beef and poultry. Your miles may vary on the ascent of breakfast meats although one thing is definite, it will require frying in roughly 2mm of oil. The pre-toast will be required a suitable time for grilling between overheated electrical wiring, the only danger are possible metallic polymers within the bread. If you consider your bread to contain foreign objects, microwave it. After a second or two it will start popping and whizzing like a
fourth of july barbecue
if there are indeed contaminants these can be exorcised using specific bread scooping tools such as the double lipped scissor or the angled spoon that any reputable chef or kitchenstein should own at this stage in life, since you can read. Fungals are next in the pan, followed by any other similarly sized brekky chunks such as black pudding, cheeseballs, bread, hash browns, tomatoes and the like. The last to go in a whole egg, cracked on the rim and then opened upside down in order to get no shell in the delicate membrane. All should be served on a single plate and then brought up with a cup or mug of tea and coffee. The difficult part is finding a suitable surface for your breakfast meal although I believe that the intellect needed to achieve this is best supplied by snorting a thick half crumbled pile of cocaine off your house key. Options for the breakfast include a glass of cold orange juice and a cigarette, depending on one's cancer apathy.
It begins by reviewing breakfast ingredients. Mushrooms from Calcutta. Bacon for Norway. Eggs from some underground battery in Slav. Whichever it is there is a calculated cooking time to reach optimistic food warmth. Pork is traditionally eaten at breakfast although I have also experimented with fish, beef and poultry. Your miles may vary on the ascent of breakfast meats although one thing is definite, it will require frying in roughly 2mm of oil. The pre-toast will be required a suitable time for grilling between overheated electrical wiring, the only danger are possible metallic polymers within the bread. If you consider your bread to contain foreign objects, microwave it. After a second or two it will start popping and whizzing like a
fourth of july barbecue
if there are indeed contaminants these can be exorcised using specific bread scooping tools such as the double lipped scissor or the angled spoon that any reputable chef or kitchenstein should own at this stage in life, since you can read. Fungals are next in the pan, followed by any other similarly sized brekky chunks such as black pudding, cheeseballs, bread, hash browns, tomatoes and the like. The last to go in a whole egg, cracked on the rim and then opened upside down in order to get no shell in the delicate membrane. All should be served on a single plate and then brought up with a cup or mug of tea and coffee. The difficult part is finding a suitable surface for your breakfast meal although I believe that the intellect needed to achieve this is best supplied by snorting a thick half crumbled pile of cocaine off your house key. Options for the breakfast include a glass of cold orange juice and a cigarette, depending on one's cancer apathy.
Complex Hypershapes And Others
Columns swing overhead as if some giant pendulus, a sculpture part of the Revgerfev exhibition at Towneley Garden Centre. Every piece of ceramic lawn decoration has had it's face caved in by artist Johnny Gloves, the savage. The mystic.
The gates of Midian.
The great gates of Midian, home of the Queen of Heaven. Hounds made from platinum carry things in their maws as ridiculous brass squelches out some kind of melody. Maybe. Midian. Mesozoic. Meta.
The gates of Midian.
The great gates of Midian, home of the Queen of Heaven. Hounds made from platinum carry things in their maws as ridiculous brass squelches out some kind of melody. Maybe. Midian. Mesozoic. Meta.
17.3.11
Super Gum
Wax and rubber chunks for your mastication habits, world wide gum dispensing machines which deliver caffeine into the bloodstream through saliva upon the mega chod. Your infusion of spearmint and mouth air freshener combines to create a whirpool of delight as the rear molars chomp and suck on the oblongular flesh coloured gum being rescued from the delicate macrothin metal sheeting in which the chewwy is stored in after being mined from the ancient soil of half countries. It's purpose is to be chewed, to osmosize blue and white waves of taste energy into our juddering gobs. Super gum!
16.3.11
13.3.11
Absolute Trepanation
The benefits of trepanation are many, from curing mental illness to allowing more oxygen to the brain. The process is quite simple and can be performed at home under relatively clean conditions. First of all select a region of the brain you wish to enhance. At the front of the human brain is where we make our decisions, scientists call this the 'destiny lobe' for good reason. The middle area of the brain is used primarily for controlling the body so trepanating would lead to greater co-ordination and muscle mass. The back of the brain is responsible primarily for dreams, memories and processing imagery. If one were to trepanate this area and perhaps fit some sort of valve then the person would be able to switch on or off their own dream states.
The process is then quite easy. Using a diamond edged drill bit of approximately 5mm extremely slowly ease it into the head, after cutting your hair of course. Remember this is your brain and it is quite a delicate procedure so you may want a partner to give you a hand. Once you have passed the dermis and skull you will hear a popping sound as excess air is released from the head. Congratulations, you've just performed your first trepanation! Feel free to experiment by drilling holes in different places for various benefits such as changing the way you perceive colour or wiping away bad memories.
The process is then quite easy. Using a diamond edged drill bit of approximately 5mm extremely slowly ease it into the head, after cutting your hair of course. Remember this is your brain and it is quite a delicate procedure so you may want a partner to give you a hand. Once you have passed the dermis and skull you will hear a popping sound as excess air is released from the head. Congratulations, you've just performed your first trepanation! Feel free to experiment by drilling holes in different places for various benefits such as changing the way you perceive colour or wiping away bad memories.
12.3.11
Crystalline Dream
Full potential by least take that nugget of wisdom. available, Fast forward the highly unanticipated 30-odd years and Nig now finds himself the reformed cult metal outfit's singer; Digiship through taking a course at Google Labs. Control a spectral sequel, Lost Boys: The Tribe, at the canals of Mars, create noise shapes with the new float personal computer If you get nothing pad, the hovering else out of watching jungle tribes until kingdom come.
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