29.4.11
Rat King
A foot is cut, a foot is cut, feet are stuck, feet are cut, feet are stuck, hands are cut, hands and feet are stuck, head is cut, head and hands and feet are stuck. These are cut, these are stuck. Sticking cuts and cutting stuck cuts, stacking cuts on cuts. Stuck stuck stuck.
22.4.11
Hope
"Crossing a desert is easy if you have a helicopter."
- Bear Grylls, 2011 at the conference of warm safety.
20.4.11
Back To The Future Trilogy; A Diagram
A diagram illustrating how Marty McFly collapsed the universe he originally inhabited, killing an entire cosmos and doing it again when undoing the alternative universe Biff created after stealing the DeLorean to give himself the Gray's sports almanac. That's the power of love!
19.4.11
Sat In Your Lap
The faked moon landing was faked on the moon, faked, it was on Mars. The mysterious planet of Ceres, the bullshit planet. Like Eros. Like Eris. Spaghettification of fact, the serpentine infinite paradox of lying liars and the lies they tell the truth about. Essentially. We landed on the moon, there's a mirror on it. It reflects the ghost of a long quantumly dead chrononaut. He points to an abstract point in the deep field where he left alien pornography magazines, the centre folds displaying crystalline genitals splayed open in ultraviolet. In infra-red. In side.
17.4.11
The Museum Of Museums
Due to public apathy and government entropy, museums from around the globe have got together to create the ultimate museum. Row upon row of tyrannosaurus rex skeletons stand watch over piles of mummies. An attempted chronology of every single object ever made, the cutlery section in itself stretches on for several miles. Every book, film and piece of music has been uploaded onto a big wacky computer that spits out various petaflops to visitors eager to see such nonsense. Such a library hasn't existed since the library of Alexandria, which has been recreated at the heart of the museum in chrome and steel. Although the museum has been opened for several months it has struggled to reach the 500th visitor mark.
8.4.11
(i)
Changing a light bulb is a relatively easy task although also quite important in contemporary times. During the day if you don't have artificial light it's not usually a problem but at night humanity has gotten used to using electrically powered light to see. The first step, before all others, is to see what kind of light bulb you have in the light that needs replacing. It is advisable to do this whilst the light still functions so that one has a surplus of bulbs before they need changing. Using a step-ladder or chair approach the light when it is turned off. If the bulb is easy to get to, good. Otherwise you may have to remove the shade or outer casing. Once that is done the bulb should be accessible.
The light bulb is made of glass and is traditionally the size and shape of a pear, although recently energy saving bulbs have begun to be used in the home and in the workplace due to them being more economical. The bulb will have writing on 99% of the time letting you know what time of bulb it is. The most important information is the Watt rating, meaning how powerful the bulb is. This will be a number followed by a 'W'. Make note of this. If for some reason you are unable to see the writing on the bulb you will have to remove it. The next step is to determine how the bulb fits in the socket and the easiest way to determine this is by removing it. If the bulb is hot after being switched on for a while you can touch it by putting a small towel or sock over your hand. Once you have a firm, but gentle, grip on the bulb begin rotating it anticlockwise. There are two types of way bulbs will fit into a socket, these are referred to as a screw fitting or a bayonet fitting. The type of bulb with a screw fitting does just that, it screws into the socket and requires several turns to remove. A bayonet fitting uses small metal clasps that click into place after a small rotation of the bulb. Note the type of fitting the bulb uses alongside what Wattage the bulb is.
If you are unsure about what type of bulb you need exactly it might be a good idea to take it along with you when buying spare light bulbs so you can show it to a sales advisor who will hopefully be able to help you out. Once you have bought your new light bulbs take them home and store them in a place you will remember and have easy access to if it were dark.
When a light goes out without somebody turning it off it is usually for two reasons. The bulb has broken or there is no electricity going into the light. The latter can get rather complicated and would need it's own guide although a good way to find out if there is any electricity going to any light would be by trying to turn on another light in a different room. Once you have established that the bulb is broken it is time to change it, although remember to turn the light off first so that there is no risk of electric shock. Go and get a new bulb from wherever you decided to store it and remove it from it's packaging. The next step is to remove the old bulb. There is a good chance you won't know a light doesn't work until you need it, so you may need to create your own source of light for the next few stages in changing a light bulb. Candles, torches and even the glow from a cell phone are handy sources of temporary light. Get a chair or some ladders and, like you have hopefully done previously, remove the bulb from the socket. It is a good idea to have a friend available to pass the old bulb down to and pass the new one up, although it isn't vital. If you have followed the previous steps correctly you should hopefully have the right kind of light bulb. If it's a bayonet fitting you should place the end of the bulb inside the socket and slowly rotate it until the clips slide upwards. Give it a short twist and it should be ready. A screw fitting simply requires putting the end of the bulb into the socket and rotating it clockwise until it is unable to any more.
After that your new bulb should be ready. Climb down, turn on the switch and see what happens. Hopefully everything will have gone smoothly and the light will turn on! Remember that some light bulbs, especially energy saving ones, may need time to warm up before reaching their maximum luminosity. Take care in disposing of your old bulb but otherwise congratulations on changing a light bulb.
The light bulb is made of glass and is traditionally the size and shape of a pear, although recently energy saving bulbs have begun to be used in the home and in the workplace due to them being more economical. The bulb will have writing on 99% of the time letting you know what time of bulb it is. The most important information is the Watt rating, meaning how powerful the bulb is. This will be a number followed by a 'W'. Make note of this. If for some reason you are unable to see the writing on the bulb you will have to remove it. The next step is to determine how the bulb fits in the socket and the easiest way to determine this is by removing it. If the bulb is hot after being switched on for a while you can touch it by putting a small towel or sock over your hand. Once you have a firm, but gentle, grip on the bulb begin rotating it anticlockwise. There are two types of way bulbs will fit into a socket, these are referred to as a screw fitting or a bayonet fitting. The type of bulb with a screw fitting does just that, it screws into the socket and requires several turns to remove. A bayonet fitting uses small metal clasps that click into place after a small rotation of the bulb. Note the type of fitting the bulb uses alongside what Wattage the bulb is.
If you are unsure about what type of bulb you need exactly it might be a good idea to take it along with you when buying spare light bulbs so you can show it to a sales advisor who will hopefully be able to help you out. Once you have bought your new light bulbs take them home and store them in a place you will remember and have easy access to if it were dark.
When a light goes out without somebody turning it off it is usually for two reasons. The bulb has broken or there is no electricity going into the light. The latter can get rather complicated and would need it's own guide although a good way to find out if there is any electricity going to any light would be by trying to turn on another light in a different room. Once you have established that the bulb is broken it is time to change it, although remember to turn the light off first so that there is no risk of electric shock. Go and get a new bulb from wherever you decided to store it and remove it from it's packaging. The next step is to remove the old bulb. There is a good chance you won't know a light doesn't work until you need it, so you may need to create your own source of light for the next few stages in changing a light bulb. Candles, torches and even the glow from a cell phone are handy sources of temporary light. Get a chair or some ladders and, like you have hopefully done previously, remove the bulb from the socket. It is a good idea to have a friend available to pass the old bulb down to and pass the new one up, although it isn't vital. If you have followed the previous steps correctly you should hopefully have the right kind of light bulb. If it's a bayonet fitting you should place the end of the bulb inside the socket and slowly rotate it until the clips slide upwards. Give it a short twist and it should be ready. A screw fitting simply requires putting the end of the bulb into the socket and rotating it clockwise until it is unable to any more.
After that your new bulb should be ready. Climb down, turn on the switch and see what happens. Hopefully everything will have gone smoothly and the light will turn on! Remember that some light bulbs, especially energy saving ones, may need time to warm up before reaching their maximum luminosity. Take care in disposing of your old bulb but otherwise congratulations on changing a light bulb.
Human Beings Are Television Sets
I, II, IV, VIII, XVI, XXXII, LXIV, CXXVIII, CCLVI, DXII, MXXIV, MMXLVIII
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