Diseases from Space

Symptoms only seen through the use of infra-red photography.

Side order

Hip new artist Johnny Gloves pulls no punches with his new piece “Statue of Liberty” at the new exhibition held at the National Institute. Upon first entering the building your first impressions might be what a good space it is. This building is six thousand square feet of white walls, art and not much else! Unfazed by the local public outcry, the “Arpeggiator” exhibition has caused controversy yet persevered in the face of sabotage, protests and political pressure. None the less I would have to say the exhibition is a breath of fresh air in the otherwise stale art world.

The hubbub has arisen due to the performance piece performed by Johnny Gloves in which he hanged himself in the centre of the gallery, using several loopholes in the law to go through with it. The much hyped piece had taken months to organize, though after seeing it you can definitely say it has been worth it. The musician, author and performance artist demanded his body to be left to decompose throughout the exhibition, the smell itself would have been a sculpture in any other exhibition. Though seeing it in the flesh, if you excuse the pun, one is overwhelmed with the feeling that this is the future of art.

Not that 'Statue' is the only piece of artwork here. A stencilled portrait of Barack Obama smoking a joint with Bob Marley greets you in the foyer, something cooked up from the three minds of the elusive Carling brothers. A series of black and white photographs of Rebecca Frost's grandma are hung in golden frames around the entire space, memories of days gone by adding a nice balance of reality amongst the detritus of art classes, post-recession, post-9/11, post-misanthropy. This new movement is making big waves across the pond already.

The visitor, over the smell of the rotting artist in the centre of the gallery, may also notice another foul smell weaving in the ether. In the far corner the sculptures of Scottish artist Bruce Clay are responsible. His series of hidden camera videos recording him purposefully stepping into dogshit are displayed on a dozen or so monitors around the central dog shit sculpture, “The Unattainable Bond”, two large panes of glass with a piece of shit squashed between them. Fascinating.

All routes throughout the labyrinth like Arpeggiator exhibition lead back into the central sculpture, 'Statue of Liberty'.The skinny grey body of Gloves is the icon of the end of an era. Or perhaps the start of another? Johnny Gloves had experimented before in corpse play, the video footage of him running across the M6 had gotten him a hefty fine. For Gloves though, this was no worry. The money his body will eventually be sold for will be used to upkeep a new art school he had unveiled at the start of the year to encourage new talent in the new practise of dying.

Black Corridor

2034 – Man living on the moon
2076 - Personalized Teleportation
2024 - Cyborg exoskeleton
2030 - Robotic Endoskeleton
2017 - Augmented Reality inducing contact lenses
2017 - Glasses-less 3D
2028 - Computer Intelligence
2019 -Self driving cars
2020 - Robotic Humanoid Soldiers
2041 - Memory uploading onto computers
2066 - Man landing on the sun
2100 - Faster than light travel
2100 - Time Travel
2022 - Mind reading
2028 - Cure for hunger
2030 - Communication with animals
2050 - Understanding of time
2039 - Genetic modification
2019 - Cure for sleep
2100 - Cure for death
2038 - Holographic objects that work (e.g speakers, power tools)
2053 - Ability to pass through solid matter
2026 - Cure for cancer
2018 - Ability to see beyond visible spectrum of light
2017 - Ability to hear beyond audible range of sound
2032 - Ability to perceive time slower/faster
2060 - Poverty solved
2031 - Atlantic Bridge
2017 – Hydrogen powered cars

Assassination by Disease

Candles that release thermo-activated toxins. Contact lenses coated in uranium. Toiletries tampered with so that the victim is violently assaulted with trembling lips over a short period of time. These methods are often utilised in the field of biological terrorism.

Fungal Infections throughout History

Catoblepas!

Forever Folding Flesh

Millions have been donated into researching possible similarities between machinery and athletes. Particular experiments include inserting sponges into the anal cavity of athletes and then measuring dampness on exposure to various powertool demonstrations. Angle Grinders and Impact Wrenches were found to be the most arousing and interviews carried out with the subjects afterwards showed an increased interest in both construction and demolition sites as possible areas to practise for the upcoming 2012 olympic festival of games. Touching is encouraged.

Saviour

There is an old oil tanker currently in the Pacific ocean that Jacob Donaldson has taken over and used to create a travelling island. The deck of the ship has been transformed into stretches of soil and vegetation. Amongst the grass and the trees move tigers and apes, the only two species Donaldson decided would go onto his boat. In the keel of the ship are various gardens, personally attended to by Jacob Donaldson. Nobody knows how long Donaldson will occupy the boat although his family are currently attempting to rescue him due to his previous history of madness.

Art Festival 2011

Just after dinner time, the first artists took to the field stage. He was a skinny man with a face resembling a skull, he was Conrad Money. The audience of seven hundred or so people sat on the grass and the hard, cracked soil, just waiting to see what would happen. Conrad was ready to face such an atmosphere of hostility. He had a keyboard strapped across his chest which he started to finger a melody with whilst staring down at his own foot. A man with a bandana on his head jeered. Nevertheless, Conrad slowly started to kneel down with his face screwed in a more intense expression of concentration, sweat started to appear on his head. The melody sped up a little while he recorded it onto a usb casette linked up to the 10kw system. He then stopped playing, faced the audience and squeezed the muscles in his face again, turning a deep red. A huge magnifying glass had been rolled out from the left of the stage and now placed in front of Conrad. He was popping all of the blood vessels in his face, small droplets of blood started to appear. They seemed to shine like rubies, gently rolling down like molten gem stones. The keyboard melody meanwhile had slowly gotten louder and louder, nearly deafening everybody. Some people had started shouting silently at Conrad Money who was quivering in concentration. The sound suddenly stopped. Conrad stopped pushing and stood up, smiling. A luxurious voice could be heard. “Conrad Money everybody. Good afternoon everybody!” said Bono before beginning to sing.

As Bono tearfully dedicated his last song to the starving children living on the streets, the crowd wondered how long it would last. A small cloud slowly shrivelled into nothing, then Bono thanked the crowd. A sculpture was now rolled onto the stage, dragged by Conrad Money. The sculpture was made of gold, shimmering slightly in the heat. It was of a famous professional wrestler, posed apparently mid-grapple. The wrestler himself was backstage, cracking at his fingers. He wasn't sure what was going to happen, he had just been told to wrestle with a statue for five minutes. As he was shown behind a curtain by a short usher, he crumpled a bottle of water in his hand. “Hey, toss this in the trash would you?” he said, chucking the folded plastic to another usher. Finally, he got out onto stage and looked at the golden, scale model of him. It was pretty lifelike. But the wrestler was a pro, it didn't put him off. He didn't even care. His hands slapped around the shoulders and he started to try and push and pull at the metal body. The perfectly polished surface of the statue was slowly getting slathered in fingerprints, the real man sweating and straining. Behind him a DJ was scratching out some kind of jazz funk. The wrestler was finding it suprisingly difficult after a minute or so, not needing to pretend any more. Hot metal. Conrad Money was now reading out quotes other Wrestler's had taunted him with for the last twenty years, nearly rapping along with the funk. The DJ's dreadlocks slapped from side to side. A single tear welled up in the Wrestler's eye. The crowd meanwhile were starting to understand, nodding. By the end of the piece the Wrestler had burst into tears after staring into his gold, dead eyes.

His Soul was Captured By Peter Venkman

October is the correct month for ghost tricks, ectophile rampages and witches brew sessions.

Gallery Births

His previous work had involved small scale artistic interventions on people, such as wearing their clothes and following them or setting up a series of elaborate situations so that that person believed they were somebody else. The latest 120 minute electronic delight delivered by Jacob Donaldson involved him taking four different drugs and having sex whilst cosmically ranting. The two hour film was then projected through the windows of random houses whilst the sound was played with 1000 watt speakers. Though there were many complaints about the film, Jacob Donaldson went on to win many awards that year.

Scalene Triangles

The
Measurements and
Angles of her face
Were as
Dramatic and
Complex
As
Those used
in
Rocket Science