Chrononaut Lesson

/And now I return to a classic. Perhaps one of the nicest classics in the whole of the history of science, which would be time travel. In part of the lexicon for the laymen, time travel can be explained as something travelling through time as easy as it is travelling through the three dimensions of space we currently think about. There are as many dimensions of time as there are physical, if you can imagine a cube made out of time we experience it in a single direction as if we am slug? Currently time travel has been restricted to those in the future. People from the future walk amongst us, sometimes as observers, sometimes to enjoy our freedoms and post modernism and sometimes to manipulate events so that they are guaranteed to be born into success and happiness. There are things such as the grandfather paradox, in which if you travel through time there is a chance you have sex with your grandmother.

Another fact about the future is that we have replaced most of our standard senses with bizarre augmentations such as flesh paddles used to detect and manipulate electromagnetic radiation or a tesseractoid exoskeleton. Advertising companies have manipulated viruses which give the symptoms of thirst or dizziness, the only cure being found inside the product. Some people will choose to be machines like cars, televisions or pylons. Another fact about time travel is that the government are currently sending people back and forwards through time in experiments carried out beneath the Large Hadron Collider. Though they can only travel relatively short distances like a few hours, this technology lead to early time crimes and enormous boosts in lost sport almanacs.

HPPD Therapy

Magic eye patterns dissolve showing miserable sex acts. The only clues in the crime of the century.

Life is Hot

Two supercomputers sit opposite each other. One writes random mathematical formulas, the other reads them to see if they have any kind of scientific merit. The theory of relativity can be explained with five characters so it was thought best to build the machines to try through chance to make the next big discovery. The reading machine got a formulae one day that read 'Hello'. A tear welled up in it's robotic eye as it was unable to return the greeting.

Life in The Upper Atmosphere

There are many insects and other small animals that exist high above the planet but below space. They get caught in winds that take them higher and higher, surfing the global geothermal air currents like bizarre bouncing balls. Pilots familiar with these small creatures call them 'Angels', a personal joke as they enjoy crashing their supersonic jet fighters into them as revenge for denying evolution. Whoever gets the most crystalline things etched on the glass of their plane gets a double yoghurt.

Dreams About Success

Divers leap off diving boards at different heights whilst lights flash off their bodies faster than the rest of colour can be shown due to the large amounts of sleep deprivation and sugar everybody in the audience was dosed with. High speed cameras record it all and show the reality of what was happening above in stunning high definition, the quakes of skin and muscle beneath damp nylon and spandex captured on computers and broadcast across the hot earth. Intercut with this are some of the all time greatest moments in history with new audio commentaries by those involved to give a deeper insight into the mechanics of value. Armitage Shanks watches, wondering where he could get some snacks from. He lazily lifts a swollen palm and shouts "Who do I have to blow to get a burger around here?"

At the bottom of the olympic swimming pool is a performance artist protesting capitalism, demonstrating it by having a circular cage around his waist containing an eel and motion sensors. As the eel circulates his midriff, small sensors are triggered to release thousands of dollars in unmarked bills into the chlorinated water.

The Beamer

Fake time machine magazines smelling like cheap meat and sweat, generally. Horror films portray the imaginary corpse diagrams for murders, shapes similar to sleeping positions found in both tall and short people. His whole digestive system was failing due to severe constipation, brought on by a dread. Beacons of nerve clusters echo out.

Small plants have recently been found growing inside people. Drug smugglers are known to plant rows of seeds underneath their skin, nefarious flora. Certain tribes in darkest Vietnam have been found to actually get vitamins from the sun. There is hope that science can understand in what way will growing vegetables inside your chest would be useful.

Antihumanism

Parasites sharing diets, getting stoned. Take a time travel trip ride whit me.

Her Brains, Her Skull, Her Haircut

The scientist enhanced the image, letting down her hair as she did so. Möbius curls invented by shampoo consultants, bronze and tin and blonde and brown and black and grey and red and blue and white. Her hair smelled like chemicals flavoured like trees and fruit, she often joked about it loudly. “Martinis are like breasts. Three is two many and one is a sad story.” Laser beams bounced on her neck because it made her look more dramatic in the 21st century. The first century where people took emotional cues from television more than real life like back in the 20th century.

“I know how a serpent walks.” Bernard Colloquy, inventor of the car simulator.

Time Conspiracy

Ancient astronauts landed on Earth 65 million years ago, exterminating everything with dull laser guns. They trudged slowly through the swamp, the hell of a planet where the best creatures in that environment were giant lizards. Deciding them too ridiculous to live, the astronauts walked across the supercontinents, gnashing their terrible teeth and rolling their terrible eyes as they did so. They were disgusted at the feathered dinosaurs or the insects the size of dogs, shooting pathetic lasers through the fog. A few of their ships were attacked once and forced to be abandoned at the same site as the pyramids are today.

Blood Trail

Anachronisms such as Pete Tong or landline telephones exist in the world, solid ghosts.

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Rollercoaster into Space

Watch out for aliens and shit!

Pinch

Transfer through alanine outer shells, the higher fantasy for upcoming forecloses of imaginary power shuffles. Vasquez boasts woefully in his predictions the overfed autoregressive gestures of a simple . a gong sounds faster in the hue of hearths air than the fashion agenda for the solar surf sail nude dudes. Love is hot.

Harmful gas straits ongoing shags for playboys. Gas from landfills, unsafe for the delicate. Squirts of sex, dabs of genetics. The vulva. The penis. Mexico. Ex-girlfriend feuds faultlessly rethought out and replayed like the bad greatest hits on a channel nobody watches, even ironically. Less facts! The tub tubes, the attitude due-r-tissue girls. MRI scans of celebrities are projected onto buildings to inspire subservient thought process whilst metasonic jets fly overhead, pilots on speed with boiling blood. They crumble underneath their uniforms like nothing.

History of Pain

£10,000,000

Electronics powered by blood.

Aut

1973-2008