Crystalline Dream

Full potential by least take that nugget of wisdom. available, Fast forward the highly unanticipated 30-odd years and Nig now finds himself the reformed cult metal outfit's singer; Digiship through taking a course at Google Labs. Control a spectral sequel, Lost Boys: The Tribe, at the canals of Mars, create noise shapes with the new float personal computer If you get nothing pad, the hovering else out of watching jungle tribes until kingdom come.

Music Containment Chamber

Fun Pop Mix For Achieving Great Speeds And Heights In Computer Game World Of Real Life.

Click On Hyperlink Bozo

Frying Pan Is Hot

"Patient shows signs of depression, sexual anxiety and a general disconnection from society." said the psychiatrist into the dictaphone. He saw the patient thirty miles from his home, conducting regular visits to the cabin for the last five years in order to conduct a psychiatric evaluation. The patient was himself.

He prescribed himself 100µg of LSD to be taken before meals, upping the dose for family occasions such as birthdays, weddings and Christmas. Often he wouldn't eat, instead trailing meat and vegetables around his plate creating shapes in the various gravies provided. His son, also a doctor, would attempt to take prints from these gravy diagrams before the table was cleared. They didn't mean anything although ended up being used as Rorschach tests for the tongue.

Stoned Galls

State of the art technology is already obsolete.

Sham Poo

More science now!

Nicholsons

Jack Nicholson slowly appearing from a mirrored edge. He demands wine whiskey and women, the three double you's he requires. After completion of any of his film projects he likes to celebrate by fitting an inside-out waterbed to his bathroom walls and having a big bubble bath in the whole room.

Palm Reading

Upside down space rockets, get it over with.

Grandstand

The Summer Of Ennui

Not giving enough. Not caring enough. Not doing enough. Not thinking enough. About Mars.

Binomial

Everything at right angles. A government spokesman, a go vern men t spoke sman, spoke today regarding people who have vanished when being alone in a room with a quantum computer. Brian Cox is still missing.

Late In The Evening, Giant Bat Attack

Genetically modified o-zone for a planet filled with infoplebs. Only those that remained on the outside of this metal uterus grew up big and strong like godzillas.

Psychozoology

The scientist looked out at the Atlantic, wondering what metaphors he could wrangle from the waves in order to properly explain his own research into electromagnetic wave manipulation. Surfing an x-ray? A boat that travelled on the ultraviolet? Amongst the crests of white foam and grey water sludge a dead shark floated. What kind of strange fishes would live in the sea of electromagnetism.

Metabolise

14 27 39 22 06 43

In Touch With Nature

Jennifer Fairholme recently tried to get back in touch with nature by trying to survive without technology. Naked and mute she stumbled through the forest, cutting her feet on broken branches as she searched for food. At night she lay curled up by a tree, hoping that no animal would attack her. This lasted for a few days until she started to raid the bins in the suburbs where she used to live, occasionally scared away by a security light. People still see her from time to time, rushing away from car headlights and the local rambling club. She's doing a lot better now.

Visualize

Now we can see ultraviolet.

Dripping Exhausts

America has had quite an interesting reaction to the motorcar, it is deeply ingrained into their culture due to the popularity of this technology. Just as we anthropomorphise animals, people also do this to cars (such as the Pixar film; Cars). Cars themselves are interesting objects often designed to be aerodynamic, which share the forms of birds or predator mammals. As technology gets more organic it will take less effort for the sexualization of these metal bodies to be undertaken. It is hard to imagine a future in which people ride around in pulsing steel vulvas although I would hazard a guess and say we're not far off.

The Major Groove

Nootropics are the new drug craze to hit the mean streets. The pharmaceuticals bend the brain towards intelligence in the form of cutting off the blood supply to certain areas of the cortex or boosting nerve reaction for example. These nootropic drugs enhance the mental function of the user, allowing the average person to have superior brain powers. Teenagers are catching onto this strange notion by spending millions a year in nootropics such as Dimethylstramonium, Rubidium Divinorum and Soma. Genius criminals stalk the streets carrying out crimes reminiscent of Moriaty. Instead of the regular muggings and burglarizing that take place in society people are now becoming victims of bizarre complexity. The government has declared nootropics illegal, causing the police to find other means in which to fight the intellectually superior criminal.

"You can't start a fire without a spark." - James Watson, 1974

Appreciation

They reclined into soft futons covered in a rich velvet. Over their bodies drifted the blue-grey smoke from the incense. Nag Champa. Everybody looked down, towards the centre of the room. Breathing so shallow you were unsure if these people were alive or not. Together they enjoyed the centre piece, a ten foot high lava lamp with surface mics fixed around it's glass body. They transmitted the sounds of the inner globuloids.

It Took The Night To Believe

Necromagnetism was first theorized in the mid-19th century as the possible cause of frogs raining. The hypothesis was that certain kinds of storms caused the electronic elements in flesh (such as the iron in blood, the neurons in the brain) to react with the surrounding water leading to extreme magnetism when the cells were inactive. Essentially that dead fish and frogs became extremely magnetic when certain kinds of storms were overhead causing them to fly through the air for several miles until they became degaussed.

Recent experiments have used this theory to create artificial necromagnets in order to find bodies at sea. This has lead to many levitations of dead things, perhaps the most recent was an experiment involving starlings that had been executed then levitated several miles into Somerset. Necromagnetism is still in it's early stages, although scientists hope to harness this energy in order to explore life after death.

A Personal Appeal From Jimmy Wales Founder Jimmy Wales

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

Harlequin

Life Twist

When he slept he dreamt of living a life as a professor of biomechanical engineering at Boston University. When he woke he was a component in the ISS, his three inch metal body significant in holding the hull together. He would often forget his dreams quickly after waking but he sometimes wondered if his dreams were real somehow. Either he was observing the life of JJ Collins or he was in fact JJ Collins who dreamt of being a bolt integral to keeping the International Space Station together that was unable to tell reality from dreams. A bit like The Matrix but not as action packed.

Ghost Diagrams From 1985

Three Skinner Box

The rat presses the button, the scientist is conditioned to give him food.

Glittering Sapien, Glowing Erectus

Tribes of Neanderthals were found inside an inactive volcano. When rescued, these primitive men struggled to cope in modern society and took to living in the countryside, eating fruits of the forest and killing hikers. Many of them ride bulls from village to village to steal women in order to propagate their race. Watch out!

Geodesic

Psilocybin Zombies

I recently discovered a new species of psychedelic mushroom. The spores are released into the human body after ingestion, remaining in the circulatory system until death. The spores then settle and grow along the veins and arteries, eventually sprouting amongst the skin. The fungus then drags the body upwards out of the ground in order to feed off sunlight and other nutrients. A side effect that these mushrooms have is that it keeps the body well preserved, although it is unsure exactly why this happens.

Exquisite Corpse Autopsy

"Her eyes glazed over when I began painting them." - Hugh Humph, set decorator for the film 'Goldfinger' [1964]

"It took so long to become aroused it felt like we had been married for ten years rather than on our second date." - Penelope Buttons

R'n'R

Due to the 2004 film 'Crash' sharing the same name as the 1996 film 'Crash', many couples expecting 2 hours of social commentary were instead treated to a 90 minute exploration of erotica and automobiles. Many couples would then incorporate sexual acts inside the car, often when looking for a first house or waiting in line at a drive-thru. It is unknown how many of these couples then went further to simulate crashes to coincide with orgasm although recent trend of dogging and the advent of streaming pornography sites hasn't hindered this fetish. Those couples who wanted to watch the 96 Crash and mistakenly got the 04 version realized racism was wrong.

Please touch the screen where you feel most comfortable, the left most quads reflecting a 'left handed brain' whilst the right quads obviously represent fucking. Move your finger across the monitor to try and see how the different areas make you feel, preferably speaking out loud as you do so.

Precognitions

"Boy is my faeces red." - Me, 2012

- The internet will require a license, similar to having a bonfire or owning a dog.
- The first suicide by electric car in the garage.
- An orangutang will give birth to replacement organs for a human.
- Glasses that are cameras that also project electronic data into your eyes. These will mostly be used for Milkdrop.
- A government database will be hacked so that all resevoirs are emptied in order to hold a skating competition in the sewers of major cities.
- Being naked will become fashionable.
- A 3D movie will be released with only the third dimension is visible without the other two.
- The first animal to human hair transplant will take place.
- A black metal gig will take place on a barge sailing through antartica.
- Humanity will at last communicate with objects.
- Upon America leaving Iraq they will bomb it with nuclear weapons.
- London will be flooded in seven feet of water caused by a gaffe from Boris Johnson.
- 3D paintings will be used for decoration in homes.
- Wicker chairs become popular in car interiors.
- Smoking is made illegal to be seen or talked about. It is replaced with drinking.
- A volcano will erupt causing ash storms worldwide for about five minutes.
- A man is victim to a government conspiracy and succeeds in going public. Nobody cares.
- Budget airlines begin to use defunct military helicopters.
- People will pay for things by using pictures of money on mobile phones in order to try and be more environmentally friendly.
- A drug will come out that turns your hair a green colour leading to a generation of teenagers who need to dye their hair forever.
- North Korea will land on the moon, beginning a space cold war that will last four years.
- Slides will be installed in buildings to provide funportation.
- Animals will be trained to assassinate people by operating specifically made weapons.

Cannibal Planet

There is a planet spinning out in space where all the resources have been used. No metal, wood, water. No animals or plants. The only resource is the human being. Vast fields of pregnant women lie waiting to give birth to babies, a majority of which will be eaten. Some will be used as fuel for the few fires the cannibals use as warmth for those who haven't built houses made from clumps of hair and faeces. Oceans of bodily fluids span the globe, scab waves washing up on marrow shores. Everybody on the planet will die as the atmosphere slowly changes to carbon dioxide and all that will be left will be miles upon miles of deserts made from the chewed up bones of long dead space cannibals.

Gods And Spacemen Throughout History

Aliens from a retrocosmos landed on Earth millions of years ago, taking the form of information in order for homo sapien to build it's body in the 21st century. The bioborgs will then return to the alien dimension with reports on contemporary art, international politics and smoking weed.

"So far, so good, so what?" - Armitage Shanks, 2010

3DGESV2O113Q

3D Google Earth Steet View by 2O11 Summer Confirmed! Rival company Apple Inc. counter-invented a device to project yourself from somebody else's holographic projection belt combining the interests of social networking and cyber crimes. It was a good alibi to have a projection of yourself seen at a Sting concert, acting out strangulations amongst the throngs of dancing people. This technology also lead to the invention of ghosts.

Portals Into Knowledge

Big Kahuna

Love Letters

A new style for the upcoming decade of time.
Everyone is born gay. Your parents make you straight.
I drive a car.

The name's Bond. Bond Bond.

James Bond has been the subject of interest in the latest exhibition by The Triangle Collective. 'Fuck Face Fetish' takes place inside the Royal Observatory in which paintings of James Bond iterations replace the scientific equipment. When looking through the telescope viewers are greeted by a miniature James Bond (in this case Roger Moore) who re-enacts the opening sequence of the film in which he shoots the camera, or in this case, shoots a miniature ball bearing at the viewer in order to achieve maximum 'License to Kill' artstyles. When leaving the observatory people are then chased by an Aston Martin and assaulted with red paint. The Triangle Collective has really raised the bar with 'Fuck Face Fetish' leaving viewers shaken but not stirred!

Cynicycle

A machine that looks like a pair of tits, a machine that looks like a big ball of hair and shit. Wild!

Dymphna

A nest of lottery tickets, post-it notes, newspaper clippings and various bills. Amongst all of this was the skeleton of some lizard on a piece of red velvet inside a frame. Wasps had begun to make their nest towards the back of the desk drawer.

Teenagers

Mysteries Of The Human Brain

James Franklin MP of Cumberdale, 46 was recently the victim of an ordeal currently unsolved by detectives. Taken hostage at 1330GMT the abducted politician was then given a lobotomy in the back of a van by unknown assailants and at 1620 he was found wandering around a local Walkabout bar with his trousers around his ankles as he drank from a broken bottle containing alcopop liquid material. When attempted to be interviewed he could only reply with his name. It is thought this attack was a vindication based on the recent mesmochain of the great human condition.

Age of Simulation

Reality enhanced. Comedy as documentary, games with more accurate controls, sites that combine your real life with information. The great moulding.

Revenge of a 120 year old

"The individual means nothing. It's the group that counts. The group that can make a difference. The person alone can't do anything without the help of the group. More things are better than one thing, the collection of many." - Moby, 2007

Gravitation

Magnets guide birds, hence the deaths of many birds with the LHC and it's use of large electromagnets.

There She Blows.

Juddernaut

“Casper! Every kind of clothes you wear don't suit, so take 'em off.” laughed the PE teacher. Billy took off his shirt. “But sir, honest. It t'want me!”
“T'want you lad? Get in shower lad before I slug you.” said the PE teacher, booting him up the arse. He turned the kettle on and watching him shower, waiting for it to boil. He licked his pink lips hungrily, like a beast with a horn. He then clicked off the kettle and poured the steaming water over Billy's head.
“Wait til Jud ear bout this!” shouted Billy between sobs.
“He won't ear nowt when his down pit lad. Now stop crying and clear off!” shouted the PE teacher back. A freckled kid with his eyes far apart piped up.
“Shudda made a brew on his fod sir!”
“Shut your gob or you'll be next.” snarled the teacher, picking up the boys bag and hurling it across the room. The kid just stood there, dumbfounded, then starting to squeeze his own wet nose for comfort.

Billy walked home in the rain and looked up at the sky. “Bleeding rain.” he muttered. He walked past a pile of greasy newspapers used to wrap fish, the stories of the escaped child murderer were plastered on the paper more than the fat was. An old woman's teeth fell out of her mouth and into her cup of tea, splashing her blue kagool. He stepped in a puddle even, perhaps on purpose. On returning home her family all sat around with their eyes glued to the television, eating big plates of bangers and mash with teaspoons.
“Ain't none left for you Billy” said Judd, his thousand yard stare was mesmerizing.
“Mam where's me snap! I ain't 'ad nowt t'eat all bleeding day!” cried Billy.
His Mam nearly dropped a glistening sausage.
“What did you just say lad? I'll clip you around ears with language like that!”
Jud looked over his plate of steaming taters. “Billy lad. Are you some kind of bird nonce? Saw you puttin' todger in an egg.” Everybody laughed and Jud kicked Billy up the arse. Billy stomped off into his room, his tummy rumbling. He checked his tiny pockets to see if he had any change and pulled out an half-penny, not enough for any toffees. "Bleeding hell." he said to himself, wishing he had a bird.

Millenium Parade

We walk through the aisles of motorized automated corpses lying on steel tables. “These are famous celebrities” explains Ray Arthur, head of the plant. “This one here is Lady Gaga." I look down at the naked cyborg body for Gaga and can't help but be amazed at it's lifelesslikedness. But yet, I knew it would be walking around and talking after Lady Gaga suffered from a fatal accident or began dying of a terminal illness for instance. The cyborg replacements waited for the brains to simply be inserted in the skull dome before being activated. This method was thought of as more glamarous than undergoing multiple surgeries to enhance the body with implants like metal bones, hydraulic legs or telescopic eyeballs. In fact people would commit suicide in order to live as a cyborg. I asked Ray what he thought of this. “Often a person can't wait to take some of these bodies for a test drive.” said Ray, smiling. I ask him whether he is a cyborg or not. “Well, that's the point isn't it. The point of the movie Blade Runner. That's why every cyborg is programmed to answer that question straight away. So, no.” I wonder. Have I seen Blade Runner? I begin to watch it on the holographic projection inside my computerized face sheath and carry on with the interview.

Tiger is Heavy

"The polished brass curves were intimidating." - Colm Coss '96

Diseases from Space

Symptoms only seen through the use of infra-red photography.

Side order

Hip new artist Johnny Gloves pulls no punches with his new piece “Statue of Liberty” at the new exhibition held at the National Institute. Upon first entering the building your first impressions might be what a good space it is. This building is six thousand square feet of white walls, art and not much else! Unfazed by the local public outcry, the “Arpeggiator” exhibition has caused controversy yet persevered in the face of sabotage, protests and political pressure. None the less I would have to say the exhibition is a breath of fresh air in the otherwise stale art world.

The hubbub has arisen due to the performance piece performed by Johnny Gloves in which he hanged himself in the centre of the gallery, using several loopholes in the law to go through with it. The much hyped piece had taken months to organize, though after seeing it you can definitely say it has been worth it. The musician, author and performance artist demanded his body to be left to decompose throughout the exhibition, the smell itself would have been a sculpture in any other exhibition. Though seeing it in the flesh, if you excuse the pun, one is overwhelmed with the feeling that this is the future of art.

Not that 'Statue' is the only piece of artwork here. A stencilled portrait of Barack Obama smoking a joint with Bob Marley greets you in the foyer, something cooked up from the three minds of the elusive Carling brothers. A series of black and white photographs of Rebecca Frost's grandma are hung in golden frames around the entire space, memories of days gone by adding a nice balance of reality amongst the detritus of art classes, post-recession, post-9/11, post-misanthropy. This new movement is making big waves across the pond already.

The visitor, over the smell of the rotting artist in the centre of the gallery, may also notice another foul smell weaving in the ether. In the far corner the sculptures of Scottish artist Bruce Clay are responsible. His series of hidden camera videos recording him purposefully stepping into dogshit are displayed on a dozen or so monitors around the central dog shit sculpture, “The Unattainable Bond”, two large panes of glass with a piece of shit squashed between them. Fascinating.

All routes throughout the labyrinth like Arpeggiator exhibition lead back into the central sculpture, 'Statue of Liberty'.The skinny grey body of Gloves is the icon of the end of an era. Or perhaps the start of another? Johnny Gloves had experimented before in corpse play, the video footage of him running across the M6 had gotten him a hefty fine. For Gloves though, this was no worry. The money his body will eventually be sold for will be used to upkeep a new art school he had unveiled at the start of the year to encourage new talent in the new practise of dying.

Black Corridor

2034 – Man living on the moon
2076 - Personalized Teleportation
2024 - Cyborg exoskeleton
2030 - Robotic Endoskeleton
2017 - Augmented Reality inducing contact lenses
2017 - Glasses-less 3D
2028 - Computer Intelligence
2019 -Self driving cars
2020 - Robotic Humanoid Soldiers
2041 - Memory uploading onto computers
2066 - Man landing on the sun
2100 - Faster than light travel
2100 - Time Travel
2022 - Mind reading
2028 - Cure for hunger
2030 - Communication with animals
2050 - Understanding of time
2039 - Genetic modification
2019 - Cure for sleep
2100 - Cure for death
2038 - Holographic objects that work (e.g speakers, power tools)
2053 - Ability to pass through solid matter
2026 - Cure for cancer
2018 - Ability to see beyond visible spectrum of light
2017 - Ability to hear beyond audible range of sound
2032 - Ability to perceive time slower/faster
2060 - Poverty solved
2031 - Atlantic Bridge
2017 – Hydrogen powered cars

Assassination by Disease

Candles that release thermo-activated toxins. Contact lenses coated in uranium. Toiletries tampered with so that the victim is violently assaulted with trembling lips over a short period of time. These methods are often utilised in the field of biological terrorism.

Fungal Infections throughout History

Catoblepas!