Elon Musk has died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the face. He had missed his brain and bled out, alone in his tiny box house on his SpaceX compound. Many are asking themselves why the richest man in the world would kill himself, though many more have flocked to Twitter (formerly known as X) to celebrate his passing.
A popular meme format is the caption ‘can Elon Musk do this?’ with videos of people being alive. Many celebrities openly celebrate his demise with videos of them toasting the camera and downing shots of tequila. Donald Trump posted a single word: Sad.
The previous Head of the Department of Government Efficiency, Tesla and SpaceX had become a controversial figure in recent years, partly due to his hand in collapsing the economy, yet we must remember that this was a man with a family. He was the son to a loving father, and himself a father of 37 children, who were reassured at the ridiculous inheritance they thought they would each receive. It is only recently that we discover that Musk wasn’t going to leave his fortune to his children after all. In one last madcap scheme, the billionaire amassed his entire fortune and buried it somewhere.
The instructions went out upon the confirmation of Elon’s death. The AI assistant on Twitter, Grok, announced the strange game to the world. There was a livestream of a room filled with hundreds of billions of dollars, and a clue to how to find them in a riddle personally written by Musk. Nobody has come close to solving this yet, though many internet treasure hunters are already acting upon perceived answers to find the world’s biggest booty.
The riddle is thus;
Epic Win for teh lolz
1483759 21223888
Can I Has Cheezburger
Cs1.6dedust2 pwn4g3
Nobody is able to decipher this strange enigma. It is like trying to catch bats at night with a net but no light. The first person on the scene uploaded photos onto Instagram that was deleted by its censorship algorithm, but not before being leaked. Almost everyone in the world with access to the internet found these images, trying to correlate them to the riddle in some way. Perhaps his hands were arranged in such a way of purpose, overlaying the riddle in photoshop, changing the transparency, rotating a layer until it started to make sense.
You could see the patterns begin to form if you looked closely at the available evidence. A gun he kept next to his bed next to eight empty cans of Diet Coke. In the drawers next to his bed were the following items; two fleshlights (vagina and mouth), 2g of ketamine, a crystal, a personal hair trimmer, some nunchucks and a zippo lighter (empty). CSI experts had recreated his last moments based on traces in the carpet, the bed linen, residues. They restaged his death in CGI graphics, snorting ketamine from his phone screen, pulling out the gun from his bedside, pacing backwards and forth. He was trying to phone one of his children. If one of them picked up, that would be enough. He needed just one to care. He had 37 children, surely one of them would be there. But it was two in the morning and he was high on ketamine.
He’d been spiralling for the last few weeks. The President had bullied him. He’d grabbed him by the arm whilst they were walking down a corridor in the White House and Donald Trump had called him an annoying son of a bitch. What was happening to him? His life had seemed to keep getting worse. The only people who seemed to like him were sycophants, just after his money. He couldn't trust anybody, every person he met got this look in their eye, they gave a fake smile, pretended to laugh at his jokes. Recently they couldn't be bothered doing that. Nobody respected him. Nobody knew what it was like to be the richest man in the world. He was alone. Totally, utterly, alone. It was as if he was floating in space, far away from everybody. Maybe that’s what he deserved. It had been that way all his life. It had been that way before he was rich, he couldn't make a connection with anybody. Nobody ever got to know him. He was so, so alone. He sensed himself floating further and further away. And with that, he stuck the gun under his chin and pulled the trigger.
