the pile

The Pile

2011-12-05T02:13:00.004Z

When I see a UFO, I always ignore them.

Gestalt Mundo Generation

2011-12-05T01:19:00.004Z

"Some of the greatest problems we have today are in the music industry. The entire notion of why people like music hasn't been discovered. Like time. What is the nature of time?" - Bryan Ferry, famous astrologist.

In an earnest reply the prime minister eagerly agreed that scientists should look into time science and pledged thousands of pounds towards a study into what time was, hiring almost half a dozen scientists from around south east England to crack this problem. So far they have only drawn a few basic diagrams.

The Love Of Itself

2011-09-24T17:09:00.002+01:00

Half spilled full on chrome arbius twinges in the doorway, it's tendrils like icicles caught the orange and yellow lights flicking on end after each other in a chase, the race of a self-conducting megaparticle occupying beyond the dimensions through the traces of the neutrinos falling like raindrops, unzipping. A circle, circular. A self righting balancer dancing across the high planes, the sky above them lit up with the light thrown from hundreds of different cosmos. Elaborate patterns are just beyond the reach of sight. The periodic table, the human genome, the theory of special relativity, the computer. Logic. A scientific experiment is something which can be recreated, history repeating. And repeating.

Crumbling variations of wax faces pouring with fake blood as the bodies tumble onto the foggy moor. The director nods and the film is released straight to DVD, as is the case with that particular type of film. Cyphers common throughout the world are the blockbuster laser activated info-disc slot into the alloted player. Sleeper agents sleeping urgent.

Slide In

2011-09-12T19:11:00.002+01:00

A confluence of bodily fluids. The great wheel of time turned amidst the dimensions as a potential eternity shifted, this end of the rotation finishing in space overtaking time, stone cold solid matter.

That is the biggest fear of civilization; success leading to overpopulation. And in the future we shall all have a vegetable garden in our pocket and pass each other a steak and kidney bean!

Entering The Dream

2011-09-06T00:13:00.002+01:00

Blazing golden conduits amidst the brain space, seventeen inch of LSD screen implanted for viewing of the mind's eye during sleep, cortexoptica. Flashes of fuzzy blues surrounds a tiny rotating square in the centre of the screen.
"The experiment was a success." gurns the doctor. And out from the channels between neurons a flood of information was freed, zapping the dude's brain into overdrive. An Ancient Aztec God of despair, the night, death appeared. He was dressed in the traditional clothing of a God and rose from the air a melting skull that frothed over his black fingers. It was all an advert for a new deodorant designed for teenage boys. The cameras stopped rolling and were then taken to a laboratory for the correct editing, ready for broadcast between news reports of an ongoing disaster that hadn't yet occured.

Hollywood Cambrian

2011-08-21T23:38:00.004+01:00

He removed his teeth with the calmness of regularity and turned back to the interviewer. "The reptillians live amongst us hiding in suits made of lubricated skin. I am a freedom fighter and have decided to go public, blow this whole conspiracy wide open." he said, sliding the wig off his head. The radio presenter watched in horror as a crocodile man emerged from the Ted Danson suit.

Age

2011-07-23T10:32:00.004+01:00

A sculpture I made from blood and metal and light.

Et In Arcadia Ego

2011-07-16T14:56:00.002+01:00

I wrote a book to view on electronic book reader 'Kindle', or you can just download the pc client if you don't have one.

Buckfast.

Pass Me Old Mink

2011-06-22T17:14:00.000+01:00

An Electric Crown

2011-06-19T15:59:00.002+01:00

Paul Dirac was conceptually activated from his sober, waking life into his true existence like the pupa awakens into a beautiful moth. He began to sweat black oil that dripped down onto his hands. They felt encased in slabs of concrete, he fumbled with his phone and snapped it so that he couldn't be tracked. Pneumatic blondes revolving down an escalator, snapping jaws towards each other in communication. They descend onto white tiles and marched out of the door, only to collapse and be given bloody mouths by a low thunder storm. The lights flicker. Squashed face gurn agonizingly, eyes rolling around trying to trace brain shapes. Outside it is black and cold, the sound of a grave. People mingle in between each other, from above they looked like waterfalls meeting each other at opposite ends of a river, broken and splintered, thick. Through this he runs, black sweat dripping, leaving marks on the pavement in the shapes of Neil Armstrong's nervous system. In his skull trap he is assembling a bomb, thoughts electric and ricochetting through his head faster than he could control. Mydriasis set, he blew steam out from his thrashing mouth as he started to seizure. A hundred yards away he spotted someone he had gone to school with who was squeezing a big leather rope. He had been a spy all along. The agent had been following him all of his life waiting for this moment and been sent to kill.

The oily man panicked and ran into the shop where the series of blondes were helped up by handsome staff. Running through aisles lined in perfume, he went through another series of doors out into a plaza. He looked behind him to see the agent following him, nonchalantly tapping nearly everything he went past. Probably absorbing the potential energy of objects like the ancient warrior monks of Tibet. Dirac ran, dodging people and public furniture. A large magnet fizzed in a hidden parcel planted in a bin, the pinch crunching things around it as a large, blobby wave of radiation winked out all the lights, phones, cameras and radios. A few seconds of being in darkness, people started crying and running towards the exit. “Who turned out the lights!” yelled a wiseguy. This was the kill code. Dirac stumbled around in the pitch black. Rods and cones. Most just tried to cling onto something, a few just waited patiently. The agent paced towards him, tapping people on the back as he did so. His fingers ran along a column, danced the side of a staircase, tapping a bench. Middle and index were made to walk along the top before smacking the end. The bin with the magnet in. The oily man went through his pockets quickly and pulled out a carton of cigarettes and set them on the side of a plant pot holding a plastic fern before sprinting away. Near to the exit now. The sign above the fire door glowed green. The man hunting him meanwhile tapped a lamp-post, a hanging leaf and the oblong cigarette packet. A high chime was heard as the agent's face sagged limply off his face, he could tell he was already dead. Chunks of his body glided away from his skeleton, being over-taken by other organs and bone pushing forward new sections. Smaller and smaller chunks of his body chased each other as he faded away into a cloud of body debris, lightly hitting the wall and disappearing into a puff of smoke.

Plumbing The Depths Of Mind-Kind

2011-06-18T20:42:00.003+01:00

Why flush away perfectly good drinking water?
Why let excess drinking water flow down the drain, not doing anything?
My new combined sink and toilet makes the most out of your wasted water, turning grey into brown in just a few easy flushes. For just nine hundred dollars in unmarked bills this lifestyle changing invention could be yours today!

All Said And Done

2011-06-16T22:04:00.002+01:00

One of the things I miss the most about alternative realities is that this one doesn't care much for the exploration and colonization of space, instead spending millions on a 3D film of Yogi Bear or soap that smells like Marmite. In some faraway place in space and time others will look back with eyes made from ectoplasm and wonder, what happened.

Hey Homer

2011-06-16T21:56:00.002+01:00

An entire town that revolves around one family.

A Hobby In Burglary

2011-06-10T19:39:00.002+01:00

As 3D printers increase in availability and cheapness, people will come home to find there front doors wide open and the insides gutted like large cubist beige chickens. The everyday housekey is first photographed the previous night and the owner of a 3D printer sets to work on creating an exact replica in which he lets himself into the house with. This has lead to an increase in swipe cards opening doors as if all the world were a hotel.

R.O.Y.G.B.P.(M)

2011-06-10T17:25:00.002+01:00

Professor Gomez, the esoteric scientist of waning fame, has recently come out of retirement to display the new colour he had discovered. He had spent his lifetime researching the vastness of human senses, attempting to install the very best from the animal kingdom into humans such as the noses of dogs implanted into the faces of policemen and the eyes of birds grafted onto the pupils of aircraft pilots.

Gomez discovered the new colour whilst experimenting with his own paintings that critics have mostly deemed inappropriate for public consumption. Although whilst painting a landscape of the beaches of Southport, Gomez discovered that by simply mixing dead fish with oil paint that strange colours appeared that he had never recognized. He has named this new colour 'Mahrj' and it has caused rapid changes in almost every avenue of life. Mahrj is perhaps best described for somebody who hasn't seen it by first comparing colours to taste. If blue was bitter, red was sweet and yellow sour Mahrj would be umami. Of course there has been public backlash by people saying that the colour was 'bullshit' and 'didn't exist', as well as other scientists claiming that it was impossible for the human eye to see Mahrj. Nevertheless Gomez has already begun to sell buckets full of Mahrj paint to home-owners all across the country!

Pangaea

2011-06-08T19:21:00.002+01:00

Continental drift.

Smoke Machine

2011-06-06T18:48:00.001+01:00

Even Through Fighting You Lose

2011-06-02T20:33:00.003+01:00

Dr. Pepper has a moustache; true, false?

The Ritual Smoking Of Drugs

2011-06-01T22:48:00.004+01:00

Heaving the pipe upward, the group pass it to one of the newer members. A self-described druid, his beard descends onto the mouthpiece of the black bong. It takes three people to lift the device to the druids face, another to lower the torch onto the luminous green cannabis. It's trichomes are long and bulbous like strange worms. Eldritch. Taking great care the druid begins to inhale the kush, so sticky that if it came into contact with the skin it would rip it away. Through the slightly translucent glass we watch the five feet of milky smoke begin to fill the chamber, the druid can see it too as he watches the weed smoulder in front of him. And all along, a great bubbling. Through the ice and through the water, the smoke is drawn through. Upward and upward. He begins to clear the bong chamber, chugging huge lungfuls of smoke. We all begin to chant our own songs as the thick smoke is quaffed from the cauldron bong, as it is exhaled it begins to fill the cave we are sitting in. A caveman sits in the corner, the whites of his eyes as red as an eclipsing moon. He looks over to the druid then turns back to his bongo drums.

An hour, perhaps, later we exit the cave and into the industrial estate. The factories and mill shops stand as obelisks on the landscape, intense signifiers of terror. We walk along the cracked tarmac road, one of our number carrying a crucifix. Once we have reached the cul-de-sac, our terminal destination, the cross bearer sets it upside down into a small marsh. We sit around beneath the inverted symbol and pass around a pipe made from the spinal column of an accused witch who was rumoured to have been drowned at a nearby lake. The druid takes out a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch and begins to eat them solemnly.

Antimatter Blossom

2011-05-31T01:28:00.001+01:00

Egophobia

2011-05-30T22:44:00.001+01:00

The Eleven Doctors

2011-05-28T14:12:00.002+01:00

Temporal Bio-anomaly.

Canis Major

2011-05-28T09:12:00.003+01:00

Animal slaves toil for affection, haunting dreams and stealing food.

Look With Your Eyes

2011-05-28T01:56:00.001+01:00

double dip

Early Morning Sunshine

2011-05-26T23:17:00.005+01:00

The flimsy sheet of x-ray sensitive film blows in the breeze slightly as Ray Milland warms up the x-ray generator half a mile away. He was attempting to create an x-ray image of the landscape by blasting entire horizons with radioactive beams. There was a thudding noise in the background as Milland showed me his earlier work. A field of horse skeletons. A street of ghostly cars and the blurs of humans walking around with no skin or muscle. A section of forest, lit up like the night sky with the abundance of animals, birds and insects standing out in stark contrast on the blue, black background. "I plan on aerial photography next." he said to himself.

Space Drugs

2011-05-25T19:55:00.003+01:00

Some of the greatest discoveries of mankind were found under the influence of drugs, such as Isaac Newton ingesting a hefty bag of psychedelic mushrooms and seeing small orbs raining from the air keeping everything stuck to the ground giving him the idea of gravity or Charles Darwin, drunk, looking down a superstring and watching the entire history of biology in between saccades. Other discoveries were more controversial, with whole groups of scientists being so strung out for long periods of time they weren't even sure if they had written down their discoveries or not.

And now, in this calm before the brain storm of unending invention, we must acknowledge what kind of drugs the supermassive objects ingest. This is of course directed at those familiar with the work of Drake, the theory that suns are enormous brains that sing to each other over space and time like strange whales. There is certainly a tendency in the stars that go supernova, and thus become magnetars and pulsars, that space drugs almost definitely exist. Scientists are currently uncertain as to what form or effect these space drugs would have, although it is thought perhaps indestructible clouds of psychedelics float through the cosmos, warping matter itself by freaking out atoms. Others suggest comets act as hypodermic syringes, punching holes in the surface of stars and delivering chemical mixtures that make the star turn into liquid. Whatever form these take, every single scientist definitely agrees on their existence. All of them.

Echelons Of Existence

2011-05-25T19:36:00.002+01:00

Beneath the eyelids, in the darkest drunkest night. Something.

Reality Nexus 1983

2011-05-25T19:35:00.000+01:00

Birthday Presents

2011-05-25T19:28:00.001+01:00

An Eagle for an Emperor, a Peregrine for a Prince, a Kestrel for a Knave and a Hawk for Hawking. Stephen Hawking.

Lunar Power

2011-05-25T00:11:00.002+01:00

The moon has a great effect on both our planet and our psychologies. Scientists have recently invented a 'moon bulb' to recreate these changes electronically, similar to how full spectrum bulbs are intended to emulate the sun.

Astroticians

2011-05-24T17:38:00.002+01:00

Time flows like a river. You can't stop a river from flowing although you can slow it or speed it up. We have yet to invent cosmic buckets to carry the water up or down the river but when we do it will be very wet.

Inward

2011-05-22T22:08:00.001+01:00

Scalextric Orbital

2011-05-22T11:14:00.003+01:00

Jacob Donaldson has recently built a scale model of the M25 around his estate. The three and a half miles of track is home to roughly one hundred thousand miniature cars Donaldson powers with a small electric substation. The model is pretty much an exact replica in every way except at junction 4B, where the M25 usually intersects with the M4, Donaldson has chosen to pile up dead foxes. There is a small tunnel underneath this pile, every time a car passes through it usually disrupts the flies and maggots on the corpses. Another thing worth noting is the absence of traffic jams due to the constant speed upheld by the cars, something Donaldson is incredibly proud of.

The Speed Of Sleep

2011-05-21T15:23:00.003+01:00

Clean

2011-05-20T14:27:00.003+01:00

The patient enters a booth in which they are dosed with a mixture of radiation, arsenic and antibiotics in order to kill every single bacteria, fungus and parasite inside their body. They are then shaved of all body hair and washed in ice baths before entering the clean room, set up for patients who have been afflicted with diseases or allergies that make them susceptible to falling foul of living a day to day life.

A problem with removing all bacteria from the body, which outnumbers our cells ten to one, is digestion. Bacteria is quite intrinsic to breaking down certain foods and without them the patients have a diet consisting mainly of pre-digested soup. For the most part the patients are happy, although they miss cheese.

Festering Aurora

2011-05-17T23:30:00.004+01:00

Waves of optical plasma bounced around the fringes, things started to melt. In the last DMT induced moments of his life, Gordon Brown surveyed his birth place for one final time before the aneurysm knocked him down onto the wet, green grass.

Stellar

2011-05-16T15:38:00.005+01:00

A neutron star landed in London the other day, causing major traffic disturbances. The super heavy mass has also caused our solar system to rotate around Earth. A government spokesperson when asked about the neutron star said it was 'fantastic' and hoped that they could build a themed science park around the crash site that would 'be better than the millenium dome'.

Like The Ocean

2011-05-12T20:42:00.000+01:00

Please refer to this diagram if stuck in time loop.

Chrome Moth on Nettle

2011-05-10T00:46:00.001+01:00

Screwdriver Heat

2011-05-05T20:13:00.002+01:00

The Kingdom, The Power And The Glory

2011-05-02T16:40:00.004+01:00

Scientists have recently discovered that through the act of meditation one can learn to direct ions from where the hemispheres of the brain meet in order to move small pieces of iron through telemagnetism. It is thought that although this wouldn't have much application in building large commercial and industrial buildings it would come in handy for fiddling about with little ibbly bits inside the smallest machines. Scientists are also questioning as to what effect machines have on pushing negatively charged ions into our cortex holes.

Dancing

2011-05-01T02:32:00.000+01:00

Turned Eye Cages

2011-05-01T01:43:00.003+01:00

Computer voiced violence, spewing mathematics.

Rat King

2011-04-29T21:26:00.003+01:00

A foot is cut, a foot is cut, feet are stuck, feet are cut, feet are stuck, hands are cut, hands and feet are stuck, head is cut, head and hands and feet are stuck. These are cut, these are stuck. Sticking cuts and cutting stuck cuts, stacking cuts on cuts. Stuck stuck stuck.

Hope

2011-04-22T16:32:00.006+01:00

"Crossing a desert is easy if you have a helicopter."
- Bear Grylls, 2011 at the conference of warm safety.

Back To The Future Trilogy; A Diagram

2011-04-20T22:53:00.005+01:00

A diagram illustrating how Marty McFly collapsed the universe he originally inhabited, killing an entire cosmos and doing it again when undoing the alternative universe Biff created after stealing the DeLorean to give himself the Gray's sports almanac. That's the power of love!

Sat In Your Lap

2011-04-19T00:14:00.004+01:00

The faked moon landing was faked on the moon, faked, it was on Mars. The mysterious planet of Ceres, the bullshit planet. Like Eros. Like Eris. Spaghettification of fact, the serpentine infinite paradox of lying liars and the lies they tell the truth about. Essentially. We landed on the moon, there's a mirror on it. It reflects the ghost of a long quantumly dead chrononaut. He points to an abstract point in the deep field where he left alien pornography magazines, the centre folds displaying crystalline genitals splayed open in ultraviolet. In infra-red. In side.

The Museum Of Museums

2011-04-17T16:51:00.003+01:00

Due to public apathy and government entropy, museums from around the globe have got together to create the ultimate museum. Row upon row of tyrannosaurus rex skeletons stand watch over piles of mummies. An attempted chronology of every single object ever made, the cutlery section in itself stretches on for several miles. Every book, film and piece of music has been uploaded onto a big wacky computer that spits out various petaflops to visitors eager to see such nonsense. Such a library hasn't existed since the library of Alexandria, which has been recreated at the heart of the museum in chrome and steel. Although the museum has been opened for several months it has struggled to reach the 500th visitor mark.

(i)

2011-04-08T02:30:00.000+01:00

Changing a light bulb is a relatively easy task although also quite important in contemporary times. During the day if you don't have artificial light it's not usually a problem but at night humanity has gotten used to using electrically powered light to see. The first step, before all others, is to see what kind of light bulb you have in the light that needs replacing. It is advisable to do this whilst the light still functions so that one has a surplus of bulbs before they need changing. Using a step-ladder or chair approach the light when it is turned off. If the bulb is easy to get to, good. Otherwise you may have to remove the shade or outer casing. Once that is done the bulb should be accessible.

The light bulb is made of glass and is traditionally the size and shape of a pear, although recently energy saving bulbs have begun to be used in the home and in the workplace due to them being more economical. The bulb will have writing on 99% of the time letting you know what time of bulb it is. The most important information is the Watt rating, meaning how powerful the bulb is. This will be a number followed by a 'W'. Make note of this. If for some reason you are unable to see the writing on the bulb you will have to remove it. The next step is to determine how the bulb fits in the socket and the easiest way to determine this is by removing it. If the bulb is hot after being switched on for a while you can touch it by putting a small towel or sock over your hand. Once you have a firm, but gentle, grip on the bulb begin rotating it anticlockwise. There are two types of way bulbs will fit into a socket, these are referred to as a screw fitting or a bayonet fitting. The type of bulb with a screw fitting does just that, it screws into the socket and requires several turns to remove. A bayonet fitting uses small metal clasps that click into place after a small rotation of the bulb. Note the type of fitting the bulb uses alongside what Wattage the bulb is.

If you are unsure about what type of bulb you need exactly it might be a good idea to take it along with you when buying spare light bulbs so you can show it to a sales advisor who will hopefully be able to help you out. Once you have bought your new light bulbs take them home and store them in a place you will remember and have easy access to if it were dark.

When a light goes out without somebody turning it off it is usually for two reasons. The bulb has broken or there is no electricity going into the light. The latter can get rather complicated and would need it's own guide although a good way to find out if there is any electricity going to any light would be by trying to turn on another light in a different room. Once you have established that the bulb is broken it is time to change it, although remember to turn the light off first so that there is no risk of electric shock. Go and get a new bulb from wherever you decided to store it and remove it from it's packaging. The next step is to remove the old bulb. There is a good chance you won't know a light doesn't work until you need it, so you may need to create your own source of light for the next few stages in changing a light bulb. Candles, torches and even the glow from a cell phone are handy sources of temporary light. Get a chair or some ladders and, like you have hopefully done previously, remove the bulb from the socket. It is a good idea to have a friend available to pass the old bulb down to and pass the new one up, although it isn't vital. If you have followed the previous steps correctly you should hopefully have the right kind of light bulb. If it's a bayonet fitting you should place the end of the bulb inside the socket and slowly rotate it until the clips slide upwards. Give it a short twist and it should be ready. A screw fitting simply requires putting the end of the bulb into the socket and rotating it clockwise until it is unable to any more.

After that your new bulb should be ready. Climb down, turn on the switch and see what happens. Hopefully everything will have gone smoothly and the light will turn on! Remember that some light bulbs, especially energy saving ones, may need time to warm up before reaching their maximum luminosity. Take care in disposing of your old bulb but otherwise congratulations on changing a light bulb.

Human Beings Are Television Sets

2011-04-08T02:16:00.002+01:00

I, II, IV, VIII, XVI, XXXII, LXVI, CXXVIII, CCXLVIII, CDXCVI, CMXCII, MCMLXXXIV

Ambient Breakthroughs In Space Rock

2011-04-03T21:14:00.000+01:00

My Favourite Thing About Breakfast

2011-03-18T21:17:00.002Z

I just wanted to tell everybody what a good breakfast I just had in bed post getting out of bed, pre-yawn hungry man achieving true 'burning man festival' memory space within the four walls of the head. Although I am a fan of breaking the fourth wall, preferably through the art of food making.

It begins by reviewing breakfast ingredients. Mushrooms from Calcutta. Bacon for Norway. Eggs from some underground battery in Slav. Whichever it is there is a calculated cooking time to reach optimistic food warmth. Pork is traditionally eaten at breakfast although I have also experimented with fish, beef and poultry. Your miles may vary on the ascent of breakfast meats although one thing is definite, it will require frying in roughly 2mm of oil. The pre-toast will be required a suitable time for grilling between overheated electrical wiring, the only danger are possible metallic polymers within the bread. If you consider your bread to contain foreign objects, microwave it. After a second or two it will start popping and whizzing like a

fourth of july barbecue

if there are indeed contaminants these can be exorcised using specific bread scooping tools such as the double lipped scissor or the angled spoon that any reputable chef or kitchenstein should own at this stage in life, since you can read. Fungals are next in the pan, followed by any other similarly sized brekky chunks such as black pudding, cheeseballs, bread, hash browns, tomatoes and the like. The last to go in a whole egg, cracked on the rim and then opened upside down in order to get no shell in the delicate membrane. All should be served on a single plate and then brought up with a cup or mug of tea and coffee. The difficult part is finding a suitable surface for your breakfast meal although I believe that the intellect needed to achieve this is best supplied by snorting a thick half crumbled pile of cocaine off your house key. Options for the breakfast include a glass of cold orange juice and a cigarette, depending on one's cancer apathy.

Complex Hypershapes And Others

2011-03-18T21:02:00.003Z

Columns swing overhead as if some giant pendulus, a sculpture part of the Revgerfev exhibition at Towneley Garden Centre. Every piece of ceramic lawn decoration has had it's face caved in by artist Johnny Gloves, the savage. The mystic.

The gates of Midian.

The great gates of Midian, home of the Queen of Heaven. Hounds made from platinum carry things in their maws as ridiculous brass squelches out some kind of melody. Maybe. Midian. Mesozoic. Meta.

Satanic Rites Of Spring

2011-03-17T21:16:00.003Z

Design for a spaceship step one, build pyramid.

Super Gum

2011-03-17T00:52:00.003Z

Wax and rubber chunks for your mastication habits, world wide gum dispensing machines which deliver caffeine into the bloodstream through saliva upon the mega chod. Your infusion of spearmint and mouth air freshener combines to create a whirpool of delight as the rear molars chomp and suck on the oblongular flesh coloured gum being rescued from the delicate macrothin metal sheeting in which the chewwy is stored in after being mined from the ancient soil of half countries. It's purpose is to be chewed, to osmosize blue and white waves of taste energy into our juddering gobs. Super gum!

Necromancy Of Thought

2011-03-16T01:37:00.000Z

Absolute Trepanation

2011-03-13T21:15:00.002Z

The benefits of trepanation are many, from curing mental illness to allowing more oxygen to the brain. The process is quite simple and can be performed at home under relatively clean conditions. First of all select a region of the brain you wish to enhance. At the front of the human brain is where we make our decisions, scientists call this the 'destiny lobe' for good reason. The middle area of the brain is used primarily for controlling the body so trepanating would lead to greater co-ordination and muscle mass. The back of the brain is responsible primarily for dreams, memories and processing imagery. If one were to trepanate this area and perhaps fit some sort of valve then the person would be able to switch on or off their own dream states.

The process is then quite easy. Using a diamond edged drill bit of approximately 5mm extremely slowly ease it into the head, after cutting your hair of course. Remember this is your brain and it is quite a delicate procedure so you may want a partner to give you a hand. Once you have passed the dermis and skull you will hear a popping sound as excess air is released from the head. Congratulations, you've just performed your first trepanation! Feel free to experiment by drilling holes in different places for various benefits such as changing the way you perceive colour or wiping away bad memories.

Crystalline Dream

2011-03-12T14:20:00.004Z

Full potential by least take that nugget of wisdom. available, Fast forward the highly unanticipated 30-odd years and Nig now finds himself the reformed cult metal outfit's singer; Digiship through taking a course at Google Labs. Control a spectral sequel, Lost Boys: The Tribe, at the canals of Mars, create noise shapes with the new float personal computer If you get nothing pad, the hovering else out of watching jungle tribes until kingdom come.

Music Containment Chamber

2011-03-07T17:43:00.003Z

Fun Pop Mix For Achieving Great Speeds And Heights In Computer Game World Of Real Life.

Click On Hyperlink Bozo

Frying Pan Is Hot

2011-03-07T16:56:00.004Z

"Patient shows signs of depression, sexual anxiety and a general disconnection from society." said the psychiatrist into the dictaphone. He saw the patient thirty miles from his home, conducting regular visits to the cabin for the last five years in order to conduct a psychiatric evaluation. The patient was himself.

He prescribed himself 100µg of LSD to be taken before meals, upping the dose for family occasions such as birthdays, weddings and Christmas. Often he wouldn't eat, instead trailing meat and vegetables around his plate creating shapes in the various gravies provided. His son, also a doctor, would attempt to take prints from these gravy diagrams before the table was cleared. They didn't mean anything although ended up being used as Rorschach tests for the tongue.

Stoned Galls

2011-03-04T02:09:00.002Z

State of the art technology is already obsolete.

Sham Poo

2011-02-27T15:53:00.002Z

More science now!

Nicholsons

2011-02-26T18:35:00.002Z

Jack Nicholson slowly appearing from a mirrored edge. He demands wine whiskey and women, the three double you's he requires. After completion of any of his film projects he likes to celebrate by fitting an inside-out waterbed to his bathroom walls and having a big bubble bath in the whole room.

Palm Reading

2011-02-26T18:04:00.003Z

Upside down space rockets, get it over with.

Grandstand

2011-02-24T17:12:00.002Z

The Summer Of Ennui

2011-02-18T21:01:00.004Z

Not giving enough. Not caring enough. Not doing enough. Not thinking enough. About Mars.

Binomial

2011-02-14T00:16:00.005Z

Everything at right angles. A government spokesman, a go vern men t spoke sman, spoke today regarding people who have vanished when being alone in a room with a quantum computer. Brian Cox is still missing.

Late In The Evening, Giant Bat Attack

2011-02-10T18:40:00.003Z

Genetically modified o-zone for a planet filled with infoplebs. Only those that remained on the outside of this metal uterus grew up big and strong like godzillas.

Psychozoology

2011-02-09T21:37:00.003Z

The scientist looked out at the Atlantic, wondering what metaphors he could wrangle from the waves in order to properly explain his own research into electromagnetic wave manipulation. Surfing an x-ray? A boat that travelled on the ultraviolet? Amongst the crests of white foam and grey water sludge a dead shark floated. What kind of strange fishes would live in the sea of electromagnetism.

Metabolise

2011-02-06T22:38:00.004Z

14 27 39 22 06 43

In Touch With Nature

2011-01-27T22:41:00.005Z

Jennifer Fairholme recently tried to get back in touch with nature by trying to survive without technology. Naked and mute she stumbled through the forest, cutting her feet on broken branches as she searched for food. At night she lay curled up by a tree, hoping that no animal would attack her. This lasted for a few days until she started to raid the bins in the suburbs where she used to live, occasionally scared away by a security light. People still see her from time to time, rushing away from car headlights and the local rambling club. She's doing a lot better now.

Visualize

2011-01-26T23:13:00.003Z

Now we can see ultraviolet.

Dripping Exhausts

2011-01-24T12:29:00.002Z

America has had quite an interesting reaction to the motorcar, it is deeply ingrained into their culture due to the popularity of this technology. Just as we anthropomorphise animals, people also do this to cars (such as the Pixar film; Cars). Cars themselves are interesting objects often designed to be aerodynamic, which share the forms of birds or predator mammals. As technology gets more organic it will take less effort for the sexualization of these metal bodies to be undertaken. It is hard to imagine a future in which people ride around in pulsing steel vulvas although I would hazard a guess and say we're not far off.

The Major Groove

2011-01-23T23:51:00.003Z

Nootropics are the new drug craze to hit the mean streets. The pharmaceuticals bend the brain towards intelligence in the form of cutting off the blood supply to certain areas of the cortex or boosting nerve reaction for example. These nootropic drugs enhance the mental function of the user, allowing the average person to have superior brain powers. Teenagers are catching onto this strange notion by spending millions a year in nootropics such as Dimethylstramonium, Rubidium Divinorum and Soma. Genius criminals stalk the streets carrying out crimes reminiscent of Moriaty. Instead of the regular muggings and burglarizing that take place in society people are now becoming victims of bizarre complexity. The government has declared nootropics illegal, causing the police to find other means in which to fight the intellectually superior criminal.

"You can't start a fire without a spark." - James Watson, 1974

Appreciation

2011-01-19T01:48:00.007Z

They reclined into soft futons covered in a rich velvet. Over their bodies drifted the blue-grey smoke from the incense. Nag Champa. Everybody looked down, towards the centre of the room. Breathing so shallow you were unsure if these people were alive or not. Together they enjoyed the centre piece, a ten foot high lava lamp with surface mics fixed around it's glass body. They transmitted the sounds of the inner globuloids.

It Took The Night To Believe

2011-01-17T21:06:00.005Z

Necromagnetism was first theorized in the mid-19th century as the possible cause of frogs raining. The hypothesis was that certain kinds of storms caused the electronic elements in flesh (such as the iron in blood, the neurons in the brain) to react with the surrounding water leading to extreme magnetism when the cells were inactive. Essentially that dead fish and frogs became extremely magnetic when certain kinds of storms were overhead causing them to fly through the air for several miles until they became degaussed.

Recent experiments have used this theory to create artificial necromagnets in order to find bodies at sea. This has lead to many levitations of dead things, perhaps the most recent was an experiment involving starlings that had been executed then levitated several miles into Somerset. Necromagnetism is still in it's early stages, although scientists hope to harness this energy in order to explore life after death.

A Personal Appeal From Jimmy Wales Founder Jimmy Wales

2011-01-12T22:25:00.004Z

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

Setting the random page of wikipedia as your homepage leads to exciting and sexy results.

IMPRESS!
LEARN!
CELEBRATE!

Harlequin

2011-01-12T21:59:00.001Z

Life Twist

2011-01-11T01:39:00.005Z

When he slept he dreamt of living a life as a professor of biomechanical engineering at Boston University. When he woke he was a component in the ISS, his three inch metal body significant in holding the hull together. He would often forget his dreams quickly after waking but he sometimes wondered if his dreams were real somehow. Either he was observing the life of JJ Collins or he was in fact JJ Collins who dreamt of being a bolt integral to keeping the International Space Station together that was unable to tell reality from dreams. A bit like The Matrix but not as action packed.

Ghost Diagrams From 1985

2011-01-11T00:04:00.000Z

Three Skinner Box

2011-01-10T21:48:00.001Z

The rat presses the button, the scientist is conditioned to give him food.

Glittering Sapien, Glowing Erectus

2011-01-09T17:39:00.003Z

Tribes of Neanderthals were found inside an inactive volcano. When rescued, these primitive men struggled to cope in modern society and took to living in the countryside, eating fruits of the forest and killing hikers. Many of them ride bulls from village to village to steal women in order to propagate their race. Watch out!

Geodesic

2011-01-06T19:57:00.004Z

Psilocybin Zombies

2011-01-06T16:15:00.003Z

I recently discovered a new species of psychedelic mushroom. The spores are released into the human body after ingestion, remaining in the circulatory system until death. The spores then settle and grow along the veins and arteries, eventually sprouting amongst the skin. The fungus then drags the body upwards out of the ground in order to feed off sunlight and other nutrients. A side effect that these mushrooms have is that it keeps the body well preserved, although it is unsure exactly why this happens.

Exquisite Corpse Autopsy

2011-01-04T19:17:00.002Z

"Her eyes glazed over when I began painting them." - Hugh Humph, set decorator for the film 'Goldfinger' [1964]

"It took so long to become aroused it felt like we had been married for ten years rather than on our second date." - Penelope Buttons

R'n'R

2011-01-04T18:26:00.005Z

Due to the 2004 film 'Crash' sharing the same name as the 1996 film 'Crash', many couples expecting 2 hours of social commentary were instead treated to a 90 minute exploration of erotica and automobiles. Many couples would then incorporate sexual acts inside the car, often when looking for a first house or waiting in line at a drive-thru. It is unknown how many of these couples then went further to simulate crashes to coincide with orgasm although recent trend of dogging and the advent of streaming pornography sites hasn't hindered this fetish. Those couples who wanted to watch the 96 Crash and mistakenly got the 04 version realized racism was wrong.

Please touch the screen where you feel most comfortable, the left most quads reflecting a 'left handed brain' whilst the right quads obviously represent fucking. Move your finger across the monitor to try and see how the different areas make you feel, preferably speaking out loud as you do so.

Precognitions

2011-01-04T00:37:00.004Z

"Boy is my faeces red." - Me, 2012

- The internet will require a license, similar to having a bonfire or owning a dog.
- The first suicide by electric car in the garage.
- An orangutang will give birth to replacement organs for a human.
- Glasses that are cameras that also project electronic data into your eyes. These will mostly be used for Milkdrop.
- A government database will be hacked so that all resevoirs are emptied in order to hold a skating competition in the sewers of major cities.
- Being naked will become fashionable.
- A 3D movie will be released with only the third dimension is visible without the other two.
- The first animal to human hair transplant will take place.
- A black metal gig will take place on a barge sailing through antartica.
- Humanity will at last communicate with objects.
- Upon America leaving Iraq they will bomb it with nuclear weapons.
- London will be flooded in seven feet of water caused by a gaffe from Boris Johnson.
- 3D paintings will be used for decoration in homes.
- Wicker chairs become popular in car interiors.
- Smoking is made illegal to be seen or talked about. It is replaced with drinking.
- A volcano will erupt causing ash storms worldwide for about five minutes.
- A man is victim to a government conspiracy and succeeds in going public. Nobody cares.
- Budget airlines begin to use defunct military helicopters.
- People will pay for things by using pictures of money on mobile phones in order to try and be more environmentally friendly.
- A drug will come out that turns your hair a green colour leading to a generation of teenagers who need to dye their hair forever.
- North Korea will land on the moon, beginning a space cold war that will last four years.
- Slides will be installed in buildings to provide funportation.
- Animals will be trained to assassinate people by operating specifically made weapons.

Cannibal Planet

2011-01-03T17:02:00.003Z

There is a planet spinning out in space where all the resources have been used. No metal, wood, water. No animals or plants. The only resource is the human being. Vast fields of pregnant women lie waiting to give birth to babies, a majority of which will be eaten. Some will be used as fuel for the few fires the cannibals use as warmth for those who haven't built houses made from clumps of hair and faeces. Oceans of bodily fluids span the globe, scab waves washing up on marrow shores. Everybody on the planet will die as the atmosphere slowly changes to carbon dioxide and all that will be left will be miles upon miles of deserts made from the chewed up bones of long dead space cannibals.

Gods And Spacemen Throughout History

2010-12-30T15:54:00.002Z

Aliens from a retrocosmos landed on Earth millions of years ago, taking the form of information in order for homo sapien to build it's body in the 21st century. The bioborgs will then return to the alien dimension with reports on contemporary art, international politics and smoking weed.

"So far, so good, so what?" - Armitage Shanks, 2010

3DGESV2O113Q

2010-12-28T23:54:00.006Z

3D Google Earth Steet View by 2O11 Summer Confirmed! Rival company Apple Inc. counter-invented a device to project yourself from somebody else's holographic projection belt combining the interests of social networking and cyber crimes. It was a good alibi to have a projection of yourself seen at a Sting concert, acting out strangulations amongst the throngs of dancing people. This technology also lead to the invention of ghosts.

Portals Into Knowledge

2010-12-28T18:51:00.001Z

Big Kahuna

Love Letters

2010-12-28T18:37:00.004Z

Stains on trousers from moist gussets, a new style for the upcoming decade of time.

The name's Bond. Bond Bond.

2010-12-24T11:42:00.006Z

James Bond has been the subject of interest in the latest exhibition by The Triangle Collective. 'Fuck Face Fetish' takes place inside the Royal Observatory in which paintings of James Bond iterations replace the scientific equipment. When looking through the telescope viewers are greeted by a miniature James Bond (in this case Roger Moore) who re-enacts the opening sequence of the film in which he shoots the camera, or in this case, shoots a miniature ball bearing at the viewer in order to achieve maximum 'License to Kill' artstyles. When leaving the observatory people are then chased by an Aston Martin and assaulted with red paint. The Triangle Collective has really raised the bar with 'Fuck Face Fetish' leaving viewers shaken but not stirred!

Cynicycle

2010-12-13T18:25:00.002Z

A machine that looks like a pair of tits, a machine that looks like a big ball of hair and shit. Wild!

Dymphna

2010-12-11T18:11:00.005Z

A nest of lottery tickets, post-it notes, newspaper clippings and various bills. Amongst all of this was the skeleton of some lizard on a piece of red velvet inside a frame. Wasps had begun to make their nest towards the back of the desk drawer.

Teenagers

2010-12-11T02:05:00.001Z

Mysteries Of The Human Brain

2010-12-11T02:00:00.002Z

James Franklin MP of Cumberdale, 46 was recently the victim of an ordeal currently unsolved by detectives. Taken hostage at 1330GMT the abducted politician was then given a lobotomy in the back of a van by unknown assailants and at 1620 he was found wandering around a local Walkabout bar with his trousers around his ankles as he drank from a broken bottle containing alcopop liquid material. When attempted to be interviewed he could only reply with his name. It is thought this attack was a vindication based on the recent mesmochain of the great human condition.

Age of Simulation

2010-12-05T02:40:00.003Z

Reality enhanced. Comedy as documentary, games with more accurate controls, sites that combine your real life with information. The great moulding.

Revenge of a 120 year old

2010-12-05T02:29:00.002Z

"The individual means nothing. It's the group that counts. The group that can make a difference. The person alone can't do anything without the help of the group. More things are better than one thing, the collection of many." - Moby, 2007

Gravitation

2010-11-29T01:14:00.004Z

Magnets guide birds, hence the deaths of many birds with the LHC and it's use of large electromagnets.